Devoted Mother, Dearest Friend
by Vol lady
Summary: One of Jarrod's former lovers comes back into his life. Set after "Something in Between" and "Saving Dr. Merar."
1. Chapter 1

Devoted Mother, Dearest Friend

Chapter 1

Joseph Coretti was a tailor in San Francisco, not a tailor to the high and filthy rich but a solid craftsman whose clientele was made up of men who recognized talent and bang for their buck. He had been Jarrod Barkley's tailor for years and was pretty familiar with how Jarrod's body was changing as he aged – a pound here, a pound there, requiring an alteration of suits made earlier, and one big episode where Jarrod's house burned down and he required a whole new wardrobe. Coretti hadn't seen Jarrod for a while when Jarrod's secretary sent him a message for an appointment, saying Jarrod wanted three entirely new suits. That surprised the tailor, and he wondered if some misfortune like the fire had struck at his favorite lawyer's wardrobe again. He wasn't ready when Jarrod came in and the real reason became obvious.

"Good heavens," Coretti said when he saw the change in Jarrod's physique. His suit coat was too tight across the chest and the upper arms, and a bit loose at the waist. It wasn't the normal weight gain Coretti had seen in many a client as he aged. It was just the opposite.

Jarrod Barkley had always been broad in the chest and shoulders, but now he was clearly in a larger shirt, and his waistline – which Coretti expected to see expanded – was trimmer than it had been since Jarrod first started coming to him years ago. Jarrod chuckled as he left his suit coat over a chair and took off his tie. "Not exactly what you expected?" he said and began to take off the shirt.

Coretti fumbled for words. "Most men put the weight on around the middle and until now you've been following that pattern, although perhaps you've not been as quick about it," Coretti said and appraised his client's changed physique. "What happened?"

"Working too hard," Jarrod said. "The doctor ordered me to take a month off, so I helped out around the ranch, and voila!" He spread his arms.

Muscles that weren't there before were obvious to Coretti. He shook his head. "When was this?" he asked and went for his tape measure.

"A couple months ago," Jarrod said. "I held off getting new suits just in case I lost the muscles when I went back to my regular job, but I've been giving Brother Nick my weekends and the muscles aren't disappearing, so I have to bow to my tailor to make me some new suits so I don't look like a complete hick in court."

"You're keeping the old ones too, I take it?"

"Yes, just in case," Jarrod said. "I'm bound to go back to being a normal middle-aged man sooner or later."

Coretti laughed as he set about measuring. "The ladies were already melting over you, Mr. Barkley. You will have a hard time fending them off now – assuming that's still what you want to do."

The people closest to Jarrod knew the circumstances surrounding his marriage and becoming a widower. He made no bones about being very careful in starting any new relationship, although even those closest to him may not have known all the reasons he was reluctant. The guilt he still felt over his wife's death was something that was never going to leave him, he knew but never said out loud, and very few people knew that just because he was not committing to anyone new, he wasn't being celibate, either. But now he said, "We'll see what happens," and left it at that. "I need two new suits for court, blue-gray preferably, and a darker suit for more formal occasions."

"And formal wear?"

"That too, but the business suits have to come first," Jarrod said.

Coretti went on with the measuring and when he was finished, he said, "You are much bigger in the chest and arms, but also more muscular in the legs and back. Around the waist – trimmer and tighter. Whatever you are doing, Mr. Barkley, it's been good for you."

"I know," Jarrod said. "I've been feeling a lot better, too."

"Let's look at fabric," Coretti said, "and I assume you will need new dress shirts, too."

Jarrod nodded. "Five of them. I was able to find work shirts in Stockton, but I'd also like you to find me a couple really good work shirts for my brother Heath. I've been borrowing his – we're the same size now."

Coretti laughed as he led Jarrod back to the workroom. "He is much younger than you are, isn't he? It must tickle you to be the same size."

"Tickles me, but surprises me too," Jarrod said.

"You were always on the slender side too when you were younger," Coretti said. "But of course, our bodies change in many ways as we age. They just don't usually get better, as yours has."

"Thank hard work and my family doctor," Jarrod said, and the stopped at the racks where Coretti kept his cloth.

They looked carefully, and Jarrod chose three different light wools for his three suits. He also chose white linen for the dress shirts he wanted. Coretti did not have the work shirts Jarrod wanted for Heath, but he said he could get them fairly quickly. "It will take a while to have the suits ready," he said, "but I can get my seamstresses working on your dress shirts tomorrow morning."

"That's fine," Jarrod said. "I'll be in town for another week – can we have the shirts ready by then?"

Coretti nodded. "I can also have one of your suits ready for a first fitting."

"Excellent," Jarrod said.

XXXXXX

True to his word, when Jarrod returned for the first fitting on his first new suit a week later Coretti had all the shirts ready for him to take with him to Stockton. When Jarrod arrived back there and saw Nick waiting for him at the train station, and he saw how Nick was looking at the packages he was carrying, Jarrod knew he would probably hear something like "Didn't you bring me anything?" so he pre-empted Nick.

"Shirts for me and Heath," he said, handing Nick the packages.

"You already got Heath a couple new shirts," Nick said.

They started walking to the street together. "Most of these are mine. I needed new dress shirts. But in compensation, dear brother – this being Thursday, I will give you not only Saturday and Sunday afternoon, but tomorrow as well. I am your servant."

"Well, now," Nick said, "since I'm short-handed, I'll take it. A storm went through the night before last and took out a lot of trees and fence off toward Adam Howard's land. I can take Heath off ramrodding that repair crew tomorrow and put you in charge."

"In charge?" Jarrod said. "You actually trust me to boss your crew?"

"Pappy, you're the bossiest man around here. You even have Mother beat now and then."

They made it to the buggy Nick had brought and threw Jarrod's things in the back. They were about to climb in and be off when a woman's voice came from behind them. "Jarrod Barkley!"

They turned and saw a woman Nick knew only in passing, but Jarrod knew all too well. "Olivia," Jarrod said, a shade awkwardly. "I haven't seen you in ages. The last I heard you were up in Lodi."

She was dressed simply, wearing a sun bonnet and a blue cotton dress. "I was up there for quite a while. My mother was ill."

"I hope she's improved," Jarrod said.

"Sadly, she passed away a couple weeks ago and I came back here."

"I'm sorry to hear that – that she's passed, that is. Not that you're back home in Stockton."

There was an awkward silence then before Olivia said, "Well, maybe we can catch up sometime, but right now I have to get off to work. I took a job at the dress shop."

"Good," Jarrod said.

And then Olivia smiled and looked him up and down, saying, "You are certainly looking marvelous these days, Jarrod. Whatever you're doing, keep it up."

Olivia went on her way then, and Jarrod watched her, smiling, remembering the time they'd had together a year or so earlier, during what he thought of these days as his errant phase. Although it was tough to think of it as errant when he remembered Olivia now.

When he looked at Nick again, Nick was wearing a suspicious smile. "What?" Jarrod asked.

"You've got an admirer," Nick said.

Jarrod wondered what to say and ended up saying, "We're old friends."

"Uh, sure," Nick said and left it at that. He knew about Jarrod's "errant phase" but he did not know all of the women his older brother had been involved with at the time. He had a tendency to wonder, every time Jarrod spoke to a woman, whether there had ever been more between them than Nick knew about, and he wondered now, but as usual, he just left it alone. In a lot of ways, he really didn't want to know.

Jarrod climbed into the buggy, Nick climbing in beside him. "All right. Who's on the crew you want me to ramrod?" Jarrod asked, happy to be getting off the subject of Olivia.

"Ross, McKnight, new guy named Boniface and a couple others."

Jarrod flinched a little at the name Boniface. A memory stuck him in the throat. "Boniface?"

"Tim Boniface, new around here," Nick said.

They started driving off, and Jarrod grew very quiet. Tim Boniface was not new around here at all and he wondered why Nick didn't remember that, but then he recalled that neither Nick nor anyone else in the family knew about that case he had against the man years ago when he was first with the District Attorney's office. Boniface hadn't lived here then. He had come into Stockton from Lodi for a couple days and been accused of horse theft, a very serious crime. Jarrod had prosecuted him, but the jury had found him not guilty. Boniface had disappeared back up toward Lodi.

It had been a bitter defeat for Jarrod. He thought he had overwhelming evidence against the man, but the jury disagreed. Jarrod hadn't let it bother him for very long and never mentioned it to the family. There were very few cases he mentioned in those days because there were just too many on his plate. But now here was Tim Boniface back again and working for his family, and the bitterness of that defeat came up on Jarrod again like bad food.

Nick noticed. "What's the problem? You don't want to ramrod?"

"No, no, that's not a problem," Jarrod said.

"It's not Boniface, is it?" Nick asked.

Jarrod considered telling him about Boniface, but then decided to hold off, at least until he'd had a chance to talk to the man himself. After all, maybe he really was innocent of that horse theft charge years ago, or even if he wasn't, maybe he'd stayed out of trouble since then. It wouldn't be right to bring up something that old if the man wasn't trouble now. "No," Jarrod said. "Nothing to worry about. Something just flew into my head for a minute and stuck there."

"Olivia?" Nick asked.

Jarrod gave him a sideways glare.

"We'll get the old attic cleared out for you," Nick said. "A couple days of hard work and you'll be too tired to think about the clutter up there."

Jarrod finally let out a slight chuckle. "That's been the program, Nick, and it's worked pretty well so far."

"And it was my idea," Nick reminded him.

Jarrod nodded. "And it was your idea."


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Friday morning found Jarrod in work clothes, heading for the stable yard and the wagon load of men and supplies waiting to head out to the spot where the storm had taken trees and fence out. Ciego had Jarrod's horse ready and Jarrod took the reins from him as he looked the men over. He knew them all. All but one had been working for the ranch for a while. Only Tim Boniface was new.

Boniface had put some weight on over the years but still looked on the boyish side, even though like Jarrod he was into his thirties now. When he saw Jarrod, he looked a little surprised but not really shocked. He knew he owned this ranch, after all, he just didn't expect to see him working in the field. They stared hard at each other. Jarrod had no shock in his eyes, either. "I'm your ramrod today, boys," Jarrod said.

A few months earlier, a chuckle might have gone around among the long-time Barkley hands, but they had all become used to Jarrod working with them over the weekends. Maybe his being boss today was different, but no real surprise. Pulling his gloves on tighter, Jarrod mounted up as the wagon driver pulled the wagon out. They were on their way.

It was obvious there was still a lot of work today where the storm had hit. It was fairly concentrated damage, but trees and fence were still down along a good quarter mile stretch. About that much had already been cleared and repaired, and beyond that there was no damage at all. The wagon pulled up and the men piled out without any need for instruction. In moments, many of the men discarded their shirts, and they were all removing tools from the wagon and heading for the trees that needed clearing.

Jarrod shed his shirt as well and grabbed an axe from the wagon. He got a look from Boniface as he did. Boniface seemed surprised Jarrod was as fit as he was. He remembered a skinny kid lawyer and figured he'd be seeing a man older but heavier around the middle, not muscular in the arms and chest like this man here.

Jarrod saw him looking and said, "Boniface, a word."

The other men gave a glance but went off to work as Boniface approached Jarrod near the wagon. Jarrod had given a lot of thought to how he was going to deal with this man after all this time, how he was going to assess the man's trustworthiness and work ethic, how he was even going to talk to him. When Boniface stepped up to him, his expression was pretty blank – no love, but no animosity either. It was then Jarrod decided to extend a hand.

"Bygones," Jarrod said.

Boniface hesitated, but took the boss's hand. Not warmly, but he took it. His words were neither friendly nor angry. "No hard feelings from me. I was innocent, remember?"

"I remember," Jarrod said. "Have you been up in Lodi all this time?"

"Yeah," Boniface said.

"What brought you back?"

Now Boniface looked like he was feeling cross-examined. He simply said, "A better job. Okay I get to it?"

Jarrod nodded, and Boniface went off to work.

Jarrod dug in with the rest of them, working beside them as if just another hand. There was not a lot of ramrodding to do. These men had already put in a day up here and knew what to do and how to do it. Jarrod let them go on about it and simply filled in where he was needed, when he was needed.

They had broken for lunch when Nick came riding along. Jarrod got up from his seat on a fallen tree that was soon to be moved to the pile of damaged timber. After the trees were cleared and the fence repaired, the timber would be cut for firewood and hauled back to the house, but that was work for another day.

"How's it going?" Nick asked, not dismounting.

"Fine," Jarrod said, nodding toward the few downed trees yet to be cleared away. "We should be ready to put the fence back up in an hour or so. Want some lunch?"

Nick shook his head. "I already grabbed some. You having any problems with anybody?"

Jarrod wondered if it was Boniface Nick was asking about, in a round about way, since Boniface was the only one whose name Jarrod had mentioned. "Not a soul," Jarrod said.

"Need anything?"

"Could use some water."

Nick said, "I got another wagon coming already." Then he gave a grin, looking at Jarrod's muscular and sweaty chest. "You sure those new shirts you bought yourself are gonna fit by the time you get around to wearing them?"

"If they don't, I'll give them to you," Jarrod said.

With a laugh, Nick rode off.

Jarrod had to admit one thing as he took his now empty plate to the wagon and the box that they'd brought the dishes in. His muscles were remaining so much stronger that it surprised him. It pleased him – he felt better, he could work harder and longer and damn, he did look good. He grabbed a towel, dried off, got a drink of water and went back to work.

XXXXXXX

Jarrod spent the weekend with that clean-up crew and by late Sunday the fence was back up. Not wanting to spend Sunday doing any work other than was necessary to get the fence back in place, Jarrod had the men leave the timber and brush clearing for Monday and they all came in early.

The men mostly rested after that, hanging around the bunkhouse playing cards or reading or just sleeping, but as he stood relaxing on the verandah and smoking a cigar, Jarrod noticed Boniface riding out. Jarrod checked his watch. It was about five-thirty when Boniface left. Jarrod wondered if he had a date in town for dinner, or was he just off for some cards and fun at a saloon. Jarrod admitted to himself, he still expected Boniface to get into some kind of trouble sometime, but he caught himself. He knew his suspicions had something to do with losing that case years ago and deciding the man just couldn't be straight, just as he couldn't have been innocent back then. Jarrod knew that wasn't fair of him, so he managed to forget about it and enjoy his own dinner with his family.

Come Monday morning, Jarrod went back to his office in Stockton. He hadn't been there for a while and needed to catch up on local work he had waiting for him. It was all estate work – clients waiting to sign wills or waiting for probate to go through. There was no court work waiting for him right now, but his secretary was there waiting for him. "Good morning, Mr. Barkley," she said cheerfully.

"Good morning," Jarrod said, removed his hat, and stood at her desk. "How have you been, Angie?"

"Just fine," she said. "I have your urgent matters on your desk, but nothing is really so urgent you have to dive in right away. Would you like some coffee?"

"Yes, I would," Jarrod said and headed into his inner office.

Angie brought him coffee in just a few moments. Jarrod was taking his jacket off and hanging it up with his hat on the hat tree behind his desk. Angie recognized something. "A new shirt?"

Jarrod smiled. "Brand new, from San Francisco."

"It fits better," Angie said. "If you're going to keep working with your brothers on weekends, you might need even more."

"No, no," Jarrod said. "I think I'll be staying the same size now. I have a few new suits being made, too."

"What colors?"

"Two grey, one a dark blue," Jarrod said.

Angie chuckled a little. "Just like the ones you already have."

"Superstition," Jarrod admitted. "If anyone comes in, let me know, and check with me about coffee again in an hour. I'll want some time to digest all these things on my desk."

Angie turned with a smile and went out, saying, "Certainly, Mr. Barkley. Welcome home."

She closed the door behind her, and Jarrod sat down. He picked up his coffee in one hand and opened the top file with the other. Then he started reading.

He was so engrossed he didn't realize the time was flying by until Angie knocked and came in with a fresh cup of coffee. "My gosh," he said, and he checked his watch. "Eleven already. And this stuff isn't even all that interesting."

Angie put the coffee down on the desk, and as she did, Jarrod turned in his chair for a look out the window. As he stretched and looked, he saw Olivia Emery out there, walking past the Gaiety across the street. He kept watching. He always did like to watch her walk, she had such grace and confidence. She was such a lovely woman. Jarrod started remembering their time together, wishing he had been more of a lover who actually loved at the time, not just a man looking for casual affairs. But he did like her then, and he liked her now, and not just because she was gracious and confident. Because she was a fine woman.

Then he saw someone else – Tim Boniface. What was he doing here? He should have been out at the ranch, working, but here he was hurrying down the street in the same direction as Olivia. Jarrod sat up straighter, looking.

Angie noticed. "Is something wrong, Mr. Barkley?"

Boniface caught up with Olivia and grabbed her by the arm. People were looking but not interfering. Olivia looked like she might hit Boniface, but she didn't. He started pulling her away.

Jarrod jumped up, saying, "Yes, it could be," and he hurried out of his office without even grabbing his coat or hat.

Angie looked out the window and immediately saw the altercation across the street. She immediately knew that was what had drawn her boss's attention. She also knew he wouldn't be back for this coffee anytime soon, so she took it back to the stove in the outer office.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Jarrod got down to the street as fast as he could, but he was already too late. Boniface already had Olivia by the arm and was pulling her into an alley, and everyone on the street was trying to get away from them. But that wasn't Jarrod, not when a woman was being handled this way by a man and not when the woman was someone he cared about, and the man was someone he did not trust. He plunged into the alley after them.

Jarrod was not a man for violence as a rule. Once upon a time he saw himself as too much the gentleman, but life had also taught him that once violence got a hold on him, it could rage out of control and he could even be murderous. He hated that part of himself. He never wanted to see it again. But there wasn't much choice now. As he stared at Boniface, as he listened to Olivia's whimpering and fear, the rage began to overwhelm him, and he had to fight to control it, to keep it from controlling him.

But he couldn't just stand there and let him hurt her. Abruptly, he let a right fist fly straight into Boniface's jaw. Boniface flew back against the wall behind him, and Jarrod was on top of him right away.

What Jarrod had forgotten was that he was a much stronger man than he used to be. Never a weakling, he could always hold his own in a fight, but now he was the one in the fight who could dominate it without even trying hard. He pulled Boniface up by the shirt and punched him hard in the gut, then in the face again.

Boniface finally found fists to fight back with. He blasted Jarrod straight in the left eye, and Jarrod lost his grip on the man. A couple more punches and Boniface was backing Jarrod up against some crates piled behind him. One of them broke and stabbed Jarrod in the back, hard. Jarrod felt it but didn't know how bad the injury was. It just spurred him on again, and he shoved Boniface off and was pounding on him again in moment.

"Stop it!" Olivia was suddenly yelling. "Stop!"

Men finally came running into the alley and before Jarrod knew it, three men had him by the arms while two others had Boniface under control. Realizing the fight was finished, Jarrod let it go, let himself go, and suddenly realized that crate in his back had hurt him. He crumpled to the ground, but so did Boniface.

"Get the doctor," somebody yelled, and Jarrod realized it was the sheriff. Fred Madden was stooping down beside him. "Jarrod, what the hell are you doing?"

The men restraining him had eased off, and Jarrod had a hand to his back. It was starting to spasm. "Boniface – he had Olivia in here and was assaulting her."

"I was not!" Boniface yelled. He had blood running from his nose and down the side of his face.

Olivia just stood off to the side, crying.

Jarrod fell even flatter to the ground, and so did Boniface. Sheriff Madden realized they had done each other some damage. Dr. Merar arrived and began to assess the injuries. Sheriff Madden waited to see what the doctor would have to say. The doctor gave them each a quick once over and said, "Who are you taking to jail, Fred? Both of them?"

"Just Boniface," the sheriff said. "It looks like Jarrod was trying to help the woman."

"All right," the doctor said. "Jarrod's injured his back somehow. I'll get him over to my office and have a look, then I'll come over to the jail and take care of Boniface."

One of the men who had restrained Jarrod now got him to his feet and helped him to the doctor's office, while the sheriff took Boniface off to jail. A couple of women who had watched from the street came in and took charge of Olivia.

One of the women said, "Let's get you home and cleaned up."

It was an hour later that Nick and Heath arrived at Dr. Merar's office. Sheriff Madden had sent for them, and they arrived not thinking that anything more serious than a brawl had happened, but Dr. Merar met them in the waiting room. "He's all right, but he took the corner of a crate or something in his back. It didn't break the skin but he might have a bruised kidney," the doctor told them. "He's going to have to go easy for a while until we see how bad this is. Otherwise he's just got a black eye."

"What was the fight about?" Nick asked. "Do you know?"

"Jarrod came across this other guy, Boniface, harassing Miss Emery and the fight started when he tried to stop him," Dr. Merar said.

"Boniface," Heath said with a sigh. "Is he in jail?"

Dr. Merar nodded. "I'm about to go over there to clean him up. Does he work for you?"

"Not anymore," Nick said. "Where have you got Jarrod?"

"He's getting dressed in the treatment room. Take him home, have him take it easy for a few days," the doctor said. "I've told him what to look for and what to do if it looks like that kidney is badly hurt, but I think it's mild, if anything. This was more of a knock-down, drag-out than your brother usually gets into."

"I'm just glad he's in better shape to take care of himself these days," Nick said.

Dr. Merar gave Nick a slap on the arm. "I just hope he's not going to turn into another you."

Heath gave a quiet snort that Nick might have glowered at him about, but the treatment door opened and Jarrod came out. He was moving stiffly and had one nasty black eye, but other than that he didn't look too bad. He saw his brothers and sighed. "Come to fetch me home?" he asked, somewhat sarcastically.

"Well, if you're gonna be brawling in the alley now that you can," Heath said.

Jarrod said, "I had good reason. Doc, do you know where Olivia Emery is?"

"No, I'm sorry, no one brought her here, so I assume she wasn't hurt," Dr. Merar said. "Maybe someone took her home."

"I'd like to stop over there before we head out," Jarrod said, "just to make sure she's all right."

"Can you sit a horse?" Nick asked.

"I wouldn't do it," Dr. Merar said. "Not until we see if your kidney is injured."

"Nick, why don't you and I round up a buggy and Jarrod's horse while he checks on Miss Emery?" Heath suggested.

"Run by my office and tell Angie what happened, and fetch my coat and hat, too, would you?" Jarrod asked.

Nick nodded. "Where do you want us to meet you, Jarrod?"

"I shouldn't be too long," Jarrod said as he headed for the door. "Olivia has a place on Oak near Lincoln. Just meet me over there."

The plans made, they left and split up. Olivia's place was only a few blocks away, and as he walked, Jarrod felt his body loosen up a bit. His back still hurt, but he didn't feel like his kidney was bad off. His eye was swelling shut, but he'd dealt with black eyes before. There was nothing about his injuries that bothered him.

But thinking about Boniface bothered him. He knew the man was trouble years ago, and if he'd been able to prove it, Boniface might still be in jail. In any event, he wouldn't have come back here, Jarrod felt sure about that. He still didn't know why Boniface came back here at all, but now it didn't matter. He had tried to assault Olivia. He would be going to jail for sure this time.

Olivia's home was a small apartment on the first floor of a house on Oak Street. When he arrived, Jarrod knocked, and Mrs. Corbin, the owner of the dress shop where Olivia worked, answered the door. Jarrod took his hat off.

"Oh, Mr. Barkley!" Mrs. Corbin said, looking alarmed.

Jarrod remembered his face was probably pretty ugly. He tried a smile. "It looks worse than it feels, Mrs. Corbin. I wanted to check on Olivia. Is she all right?"

Mrs. Corbin looked over her shoulder, and Jarrod realized she was looking to see if Olivia wanted company. Mrs. Corbin opened the door wider and said, "Please come in, Mr. Barkley."

Jarrod went in – and was surprised to see the sheriff in there talking to Olivia. He was even more surprised when the sheriff said, "Mrs. Corbin, would you please leave the three of us to talk alone for a while?"

Mrs. Corbin looked at Olivia, who nodded. "I'll go on home," she said, "but darling, if you need me, send someone for me."

"I'll be all right," Olivia said, and she meant it.

Mrs. Corbin gathered up her reticule and left. Jarrod stood looking at Olivia, then at the sheriff, then back to Olivia. "Are you all right, Olivia?" he asked.

She nodded.

But it was the sheriff who spoke. "Look, Jarrod – I asked Mrs. Corbin to leave because as far as I'm aware, the three of us here are the only ones in town who know about your relationship a couple years ago."

Olivia looked shocked.

"Jarrod had to tell me a while back when someone else he was seeing was killed," the sheriff said. "I was worried for a spell that somebody might be after you too, but no one was. You're safe – except for Boniface, or Jarrod."

"Me?" Jarrod said. "Olivia's got nothing to worry about from me."

"That's not what Boniface says," the sheriff said. "And Olivia backs him up."

Confused, shocked, Jarrod looked at Olivia, who let her gaze fall. "What are you talking about, Fred?"

"Sheriff, I told you, Jarrod just misinterpreted what was happening," Olivia said quickly and looked back up at Jarrod. "I don't think Jarrod wants to hurt anyone. He certainly doesn't want to hurt me."

"Wait a minute," Jarrod said. "What's going on here? What did I misinterpret?"

"Boniface says he wasn't trying to hurt Olivia," Sheriff Madden said, "and Olivia backs him up."

Jarrod didn't get it. "He had her by both arms! Olivia, he was going to hurt you!"

"Jarrod – Tim and I are lovers," Olivia said.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

_Tim and I are lovers_.

The words made Jarrod's head spin for a moment. It took him a bit to fumble it out, but he finally said, "What are you talking about? How in the world did you become involved with him? He's garbage!"

"He's not, Jarrod," Olivia said. "We were just having a spat. You jumped to conclusions."

"Look, Jarrod," the sheriff said, "you've had a short fuse for years now. You made a mistake when you attacked Boniface. Olivia backs him up. I'm gonna have to let him go."

Jarrod didn't believe this. "Fred, I know what I saw. Olivia, how can you let a man handle you that way?"

"Jarrod, please, just let it go," Olivia said. "He wasn't trying to hurt me. We just had a spat and I was trying to walk away and he was trying to stop me. That was all it was."

Jarrod took a couple deep breaths. He knew what he had seen, but now Olivia was saying it wasn't what he had seen.

"Jarrod – Olivia means something to you even now, and you saw what you wanted to see," the sheriff said.

"What I _wanted_ to see?" Jarrod was incredulous.

"Maybe not wanted," Sheriff Madden said. "Maybe expected. But if Boniface says he wasn't trying to hurt Olivia and she says the same thing, I have to let him go. I don't have any choice."

_Again_, Jarrod thought. _Boniface is avoiding responsibility for what he's done again_. And Jarrod began to seethe inside. He honestly didn't know what to do right now other than be angry at everyone around him.

"Look, Jarrod," the sheriff said again. "Go on home. Cool off. Nothing happened as far as I'm concerned. You and Boniface can both lick your wounds and forget the whole thing. BUT – you watch that temper of yours. In a lot of ways you got lucky today. Boniface could be having you up on charges if Olivia wasn't letting you both off the hook."

Jarrod looked down at Olivia. He took a few more deep breaths and calmed down – some. He ended up saying, "Olivia – the sheriff is right about one thing. No one else but us knows what happened between you and me. But it meant something to me, and you still mean something to me. And if you need me, I'll be here."

Jarrod waited for her reaction. She nodded, slightly. Jarrod was still convinced what he had seen was a woman being attacked, and now she was afraid to tell the truth about it. But he couldn't do anything. He turned and went out.

He found his brothers heading down the street toward him, Heath on horseback and Nick driving a buggy, his own horse and Jarrod's horse hitched to the back. Jarrod headed up the street to them, every vestige of a sore back gone now, gone as his anger had risen up. Nick hardly got the buggy stopped before Jarrod climbed in beside him. "Drive," he just said.

Nick and Heath both knew an angry Jarrod when they saw him, and they knew when not to ask. This was one of those times. Nick gave a slap to the reins, and the rode all the way home in silence.

XXXXXX

The first thing Jarrod ever said, as he was resting on the settee in the living room with his head back and ice in a towel on his black eye, was when Nick said he was going to pay Boniface off and let him go. Without uncovering the eye or looking up, Jarrod said, "No, Nick, keep him on."

"Keep him on?" Nick said, unbelieving. "Jarrod, you don't get to have a knock-down drag-out with one of us and keep your job! Not to mention he was in town when he was supposed to be on the job!"

"I'm told I misinterpreted," Jarrod said. "The fight was my fault."

"Now, I don't believe that for a minute," Nick said.

Heath was more sanguine about it. "Who told you that, Jarrod?"

"Sheriff Madden and Olivia Emery," Jarrod said. "I can hardly argue them about it."

"Just how do they explain it?" Nick asked.

"It's not something I want to talk about," Jarrod said.

"Is it confidential?" Heath asked.

"Not in the legal sense," Jarrod said. "It's just private."

Nick and Heath looked at each other. They had talked to each other about whatever it was that was going on between their older brother, Boniface and Olivia. Neither one of them liked that Jarrod was keeping tight-lipped about it. "Look, Jarrod, if we're going to be bailing you out – "

Jarrod had had it with the "Look, Jarrod"s he'd been getting today. "Nick, let it go. It's over and done and it was a fight that happened because I misinterpreted what I saw. Don't bail me out of anything anymore if you don't like it."

Jarrod didn't know that his Mother and sister had entered the room, but Nick and Heath saw them. Nick threw his hands up in the air and said to Victoria, "You talk to him."

"I don't know what I'd say," Victoria said.

Jarrod opened his good eye, looked her way, and closed it again.

"No one around here has to talk about something they don't want to talk about," Victoria said. "If Jarrod says he made a mistake and that's the end of the issue, then that's the end of it."

"Nick," Jarrod said, "keep Boniface on and we can keep a closer eye on him than if he's wandering around town on his own."

"And you think that's our job, to keep an eye on him?" Nick said.

"I think it's my job to keep him from hurting Olivia," Jarrod said.

"You don't think you really misinterpreted what was going on between them, do you?" Heath asked.

"I don't know," Jarrod said. "I'm just being cautious."

There was silence then, Nick scowling, Victoria trying to calm him down with her eyes. Heath defused the situation. "Nick, why don't we get back to work?"

"And leave Boniface alone!" Jarrod spoke up, more loudly. "If there's anything to say to him, I'll say it."

"Do as he asks, Nick," Victoria said.

Nick huffed and left the house, Heath right behind him.

"Thank you, Mother," Jarrod said when he heard the front door close.

"Oh, I'm on Nick's side," Victoria said. "If you're asking him to keep Boniface on, he deserves to know why, all of it."

Jarrod sat up, removing the ice from his eye. It was swollen shut, and his back hurt again now as he tried to get comfortable in a sitting position. "Because I made a mistake. That's all there is to know."

"I know better than that," Victoria said, "but that's your misperception to deal with. Just be aware – and I'm sure you are – that this thing between you and Boniface is not over."

"I'm aware," Jarrod said.

"And you are a more powerful man now than you were even a few months ago," Victoria said, "and a man with a heavier temper than you were a few years ago."

"I know who I am, Mother," Jarrod said.

Audra had been quiet, just taking this all in, but she finally said, "You know you can talk to us if you want to, Jarrod."

Jarrod smiled at her. "I know that. And if I need to, I will. But right now, I don't need to." He got up wearily, unfolding painfully. "Right now I'm going to get myself some more ice, take myself up to my bed, and take it easy like the doctor told me to. The rest of this can wait until tomorrow."

He hobbled off to the kitchen, leaving his Mother to watch him go and his sister to shake her head. "Why is he like this? Why is it the more he ought to talk to us, the less he does?"

"It's his way," Victoria said. "I might have made it worse because I talked him into becoming a lawyer."

"He became a lawyer because he wanted to, Mother," Audra said.

"I had a hand in it. But you're right, and he keeps his secrets because he wants to," Victoria said. And she sighed a sigh like Mothers everywhere sigh almost daily. "He'll come to us if he needs to. Until then we best just leave him alone."

XXXXXX

Outside, heading back out to work, Heath watched Nick get angrier and angrier. He wasn't surprised when Nick said, "I don't care what Jarrod says. I'm going to fire his butt."

"That might make things worse, Nick," Heath said.

Nick glared at him.

Heath shrugged. "The sheriff let Boniface go. If you fire him, he's gonna get mad at you and madder at Jarrod than he already is, and Jarrod's gonna get mad at you, too."

"You don't beat up on one of us and keep your job," Nick said.

"We've allowed it before," Heath reminded him. "At least give it a day or two, see if things die down. Jarrod won't be working in the field again for another week or so and you can keep the two of them apart. If the bad blood continues, or if Boniface keeps bailing on the job, then yeah, fire the man, but let's see what happens first."

Nick grumbled.

Heath knew that meant he'd won his point. He changed the subject slightly and asked, "Do you know what's really going on between Jarrod and Boniface? There sure seems to be some history there."

Nick shook his head. "I got that feeling too but I don't know what it is. With Olivia Emery, I can take an educated guess."

"You think she and Jarrod were involved when he was keeping that apartment?"

"I think it's likely, and I think it's likely Olivia and Boniface are involved now. We got a triangle here, but more than a triangle. A triangle with a lot of older bad blood."

Heath heaved a sigh. "Well, if we have Boniface here, we can keep an eye on it."

"And we will, because I'm not going for any more of this business between Jarrod and Boniface, and we can't fire Jarrod."

Heath had to nod in agreement with that.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

One thing Jarrod had to admit to himself if he was being honest – and he did admit it in the silence of his bed, in the middle of the night, when the pain in his back woke him up. He hated Tim Boniface. He hated him because he had gotten away with it when he stole that horse years ago. Now he hated him even more because he was using a woman Jarrod cared about, and he did care about her more than if she were just a friend. He had loved her in his way when they were involved, and he loved her in his way now. He hated Tim Boniface for manhandling her, and he hated him for using her love, because he didn't believe for a minute that Boniface actually loved her. They might have been lovers, but Jarrod was certain that Boniface didn't really love her, not really. Not even as much as he had and did.

The pain in his back got to him enough to get him up and moving around. At least the swelling in his eye had gone down and he could see out of it now. He used the wc, and he didn't see any evidence that the kidney injury was bad. His back was just spasming and he had to move around, slowly and carefully, to get it to ease off.

He dressed and was downstairs at four in the morning. Even Silas wasn't up yet. Jarrod decided to take a walk around the grounds, thinking, stretching slightly to ease his back. The sun was starting to come up in the east but it was still fairly dark when he saw the silhouette of a rider come in.

The man unsaddled his horse at the corral where the men kept their animals. Light came on from the bunkhouse as the men were starting to get up and get fed, and Jarrod could see who the rider was. It didn't surprise him to see Boniface. He had probably spent the night in town with Olivia. That made Jarrod even angrier, and he decided not to get much closer to the man. He did step down into the light. He did let Boniface see him, let him know he was watching. Boniface's expression did not change when he saw Jarrod watching him, nor did Jarrod's. Jarrod just made sure they made eye contact, and he made sure the warning in his own eyes was obvious. _I'm watching you_.

Jarrod went back inside and found Silas up and preparing breakfast. "Good morning, Mr. Jarrod," Silas said. "You're up early."

"I want to go into town early, Silas," Jarrod said, "so I won't be here for breakfast. Would you tell my mother where I've gone?"

"Certainly," Silas said, "but won't you have a bite before you go?"

Jarrod shook his head. "I want to be going. Just tell everyone I had work I didn't finish yesterday that I need to get to this morning. I'll grab some coffee and some food in town."

"All right, Mr. Jarrod," Silas said. "You have yourself a good day and don't go fighting anymore."

Jarrod chuckled a little. "I'll do my best, Silas," he said.

He fetched his gun and hat from the hallway and left through the front door. He saddled his own horse and was off to town in only a few minutes.

It was close to six in the morning when he arrived, a bit early for what he wanted to do, so he stopped at the Stockton House café and had some eggs and coffee. By seven, he was knocking on Olivia's front door. She answered. He removed his hat. She looked startled. "Jarrod!"

"I know I'm early," he said, "but could I have a word?"

"Jarrod, if it's about Tim – " Olivia started.

"It is," Jarrod admitted. "But I won't take long, I promise. I know he's not here. I saw him come back to the ranch a little over an hour ago."

She still hesitated.

"For old time's sake?" Jarrod said.

Olivia relented and opened the door farther for him to come in. Jarrod left his hat on the table by the door, and as Olivia closed the door and came into the room with him, he turned toward her.

"I just need you to know something, because I don't think he's told you," Jarrod said.

"Told me what?" she asked.

"That he and I have a history of sorts. I prosecuted him years ago for horse theft."

Olivia looked surprised. "I didn't know."

"He was found not guilty and that's when he left town. I take it you met in Lodi."

Olivia nodded and motioned for Jarrod to sit down on the sofa. She sat beside him. "We did," she said.

Jarrod fumbled with the next question. "Does he know about you and me?"

Olivia shook her head. "No, not from me. No one knows from me."

"As far as I'm aware, only the sheriff knows besides the two of us," Jarrod said. "I never even told my brothers, and the sheriff only knows because of the woman who was killed a few months ago."

"Who was she?" Olivia asked.

Jarrod sighed. "A woman whose husband had her killed. Another involvement that was too casual to me," he admitted. "I lost my way for a while."

"I know," Olivia said. "That was obvious."

"I'm sorry for what I did to you, Olivia."

Olivia shook her head. "You didn't do anything to me I didn't want at the time. We needed each other for a while and then we didn't anymore. That's all there was to it."

"It wasn't right of me to use you like that," Jarrod said. "That's why I don't like watching Boniface use you."

Olivia sighed. "Oh, Jarrod. I'm not sure Tim is using me any more than you did, and I know you didn't use me. I knew you were unavailable from the moment I became involved with you. I know Tim is unavailable, too."

"Then why are you involved with him?" Jarrod asked. "Olivia, you deserve better than men who would use you as badly as I did and as badly as he's using you. He was manhandling you yesterday. I didn't misinterpret. I know I didn't."

She sighed again. "Jarrod, don't go thinking men are the only ones who need – certain things. I know what happened to you when you lost your wife. Everyone does. What you never knew was that I lost someone too, when I was younger and living with my mother in Lodi. I never told you because it hurt too much, and I haven't told Tim. But while I was up there caring for my mother, I met Tim, and he gave me – what I needed at the time. Maybe we don't want to get married – I know I don't and I don't think he does – but we're together, at least for now. Don't go thinking you have to do anything to protect me."

"But Olivia, I still care about you," Jarrod said, "and I know Boniface. He was guilty on that charge the jury acquitted him of, and you can't trust the man. He could hurt you, physically hurt you."

Olivia said, "He hasn't yet. He came to me when I needed someone, Jarrod, and I still need him. And you're still unavailable."

That smarted. She was right – no matter how much he cared about her, he was still unavailable to give her the relationship she obviously wanted and deserved. He still couldn't give anyone that, and that cut into him.

But Boniface wasn't giving it to her either.

Olivia took his hand, making him feel even more worthless. But she smiled. "Don't worry about me. Tim and I will stay together until it's run its course, and then we'll part company, just as you and I did."

Jarrod squeezed her hand in return. "You deserve better, Olivia. You deserve to let yourself want better and get it."

"Maybe someday," she said. "Not today."

"Just as long as you remember you can come to me if you need help. I love you in my way, Olivia."

Her smiled grew. "I know that. I always knew it. And I love you in mine." She gingerly touched his black eye. "I don't want to see you get hurt again, either."

Jarrod gave in, nodding. "Let's hope neither one of us gets hurt anymore."

XXXXXXX

Jarrod put in a very long day at the office and was arriving home as the men were coming in from the field. He spotted Boniface ride out and knew where he was going. It made his blood boil, but he couldn't do anything about it. It took his attention from the man coming up beside him in the stable yard as he dismounted and handed his horse off to the ranch hand working there.

"I fired Boniface," Nick said.

Startled, Jarrod turned. "Why?"

"He went to sleep on the job," Nick said. "Disappeared for more than an hour. I'm not putting up with that, Jarrod, not with the rest of it, too. He's out of here."

Jarrod sighed. Now he was not going to be able to keep an eye on the man.

Nick said, "Maybe he'll just leave town."

Jarrod shook his head. "I doubt it." He rubbed his forehead. He was tired and getting a headache.

Nick put an arm around his older brother's shoulder. "Come on, Pappy, kick back and relax a little bit. You don't have to carry the weight of the world again until tomorrow."

"Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow," Jarrod sighed, borrowing a little from Shakespeare, but he went into the house with Nick, wondering what those tomorrows were going to bring.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Tomorrows came and went, and for more a month Jarrod did not see either Olivia or Boniface. His back eased off, without any evidence of kidney damage, and after each weekend of working in the field, he went back to his office in town. It was while he was working at his desk, about six weeks after Boniface was fired, that Jarrod finally saw Olivia again.

Jarrod had taken the case of a local man arrested for stealing tools from the blacksmith. The man claimed someone else had stolen the tools and left them at his place, someone with a grudge who was trying to frame him. Jarrod wasn't entirely convinced that was true, but he wasn't convinced it was a lie, either. He agreed to defend the man and let him have his say. He was reviewing the statements of his client and the blacksmith when he took a break, turned in his chair and looked out the window. He saw Olivia.

He saw a few other things. People were not greeting her on the street – they were moving away from her. Curious, Jarrod looked closer. He got an idea of what was going on when he saw her in profile. She was wearing a dress he hadn't seen before. It was bigger than the kind she usually wore, not a lot bigger but noticeably ample at the abdomen.

_Oh, my God_, Jarrod thought. She was pregnant.

Stunned, Jarrod's mind began to whirl. It had to be Boniface's child. They hadn't been careful, and now she was going to have his baby. The more conservative people of Stockton were going to be shunning her forever now.

"Olivia Emery," Angie's voice startled Jarrod and he turned around.

"What?" he said.

Angie knew better than to get into the not-so niceties of an unmarried woman out in public in the condition Olivia was obviously in. She said, "Well, trouble."

Jarrod just kept looking at his secretary.

Angie remembered her boss going to Olivia's rescue before and getting into a fight with her lover, and now it was obvious he had no idea what condition she was in. He probably didn't know something else, either. "Tim Boniface left town two weeks ago," Angie said.

Jarrod's eyes grew wide. "He's left?"

"That's the word," Angie said. "Olivia has lost her job, too. Mrs. Corbin hasn't completely run out on her – though practically everyone else has – but she just couldn't have her working in the shop in her condition."

"Why didn't you tell me any of this before now?" Jarrod asked.

Angie said, "I just found out over the weekend myself. Olivia's never been a friend of mine, and I just didn't know until the gossip started up in church."

Jarrod stood up, took another look out the window and saw Olivia disappearing in the direction of her home. He hesitated, wanting to go right after her, surprised by the sudden wash of sympathy he was feeling for her – and embarrassed by his hesitation.

Angie said, "Do you want some advice, Mr. Barkley?"

Jarrod turned to her. "What?"

"If you go see her, do it after dark."

Jarrod almost looked angry. "So I won't be seen?" he said.

Angie quickly realized he had misunderstood her and shook her head. "No, no, not that – although it's something you better be careful with. But it's after dark the rotten elements in this town might be coming to visit her, to get what they can get. That's when she's going to need a friend – or a rescuer."

Jarrod relaxed, nodding an apologetic nod. "You've got a point, Angie. Thanks." Then he looked again and said, "But I think I want to go check on her in the daylight, too."

"Like I said, be careful, Mr. Barkley," Angie said. "You're a kind man, but you could end up as part of the gossip chain."

Jarrod almost snorted. "Has that thought ever controlled what I do, Angie?"

Angie gave a resigned smile. "No, sir. Not with any of you Barkleys."

Jarrod grabbed his coat and hat and said, "I'll be back in a while."

He was at Olivia's door, knocking, in only a few minutes. She came right to the door, and suddenly stopped. "Jarrod!"

Jarrod took his hat off and smiled. "Mind if I come in, Olivia? I thought maybe we could talk."

Olivia hesitated, almost shaking her head.

Jarrod said, "Just talk. I just want to know what you need and if I can help. The rumor mill is up and running."

She deflated. "Of course it is. As long as you're not ashamed to be seen with me – "

"I'm not."

She let him in, closing the door behind him, saying, "We used to be very cautious about being seen with one another."

"When I was being a fool and a cad," Jarrod said.

"No," Olivia said. "Under the circumstances at the time, we were both being wise. Now I'm not so sure you're being smart. It's obvious what my problem is."

Jarrod reached for her hand.

It was enough to bring on the tears, but she took Jarrod's hand and they sat down together on the small settee. "Jarrod, I don't know what I'm going to do," Olivia said, fighting an urge to lean into his shoulder. She didn't want to fall apart completely.

Jarrod took both her hands in both of his now. "So it's true. Boniface left you."

Olivia nodded. "As soon as he found out about the baby. And I can't hold a job looking like this. I don't know how I'm even going to pay the rent."

"Let's take one thing at a time," Jarrod said. "You know, there is a place for someone in your position. The nuns at St. Bridget's east of town have taken many a woman in until her child is born."

"But then they take the child away from its mother," Olivia said. "The unwed mother isn't considered fit to raise her child by the Catholic Church, and I'm not Catholic anyway."

"But you don't have any family you can go to, do you?"

"No," Olivia said, wiped her face, and suddenly stiffened her resolve. "And just in case you're considering asking, no, I will not marry you, not like this."

Jarrod smiled. "I wouldn't insult you that way. I got to know you pretty well when we were together, didn't I?"

Now Olivia laughed a little. "I do tend to be independent minded, don't I?"

"A bit," Jarrod said. "There's also a place in San Francisco, in the mission district but not associated with the church. They don't insist the mother give up the child, although they will place the child elsewhere if that's what the mother wants."

"In an orphanage, of course, if they can't find a home."

"These folks are pretty good at finding homes," Jarrod said.

Olivia shook her head. "Being independent minded, Jarrod – and being over the age of 30 – I'm thinking very realistically. This may be the only child I ever have. I want this baby, Jarrod. I want to keep it and raise it and be a mother to it. Can you understand that?"

Jarrod nodded. "Yes, I can. But you can't do all this alone, Olivia. Even a woman as independent minded as you can't do this all alone."

Olivia got up, paced a bit. Jarrod stayed seated, watching, listening. She eventually said, "Are there any midwives in town you know about who would help me when the time comes?"

Jarrod said, "I don't know. This isn't a topic men discuss with women very often, if at all. But I know one thing – as time goes on and you begin to show more and more, you're probably going to find yourself more and more alone."

"And they'll make me wear a big A on my breast," Olivia said.

"They may not make you wear one, but they'll be seeing one," Jarrod said.

"I don't care what they see," Olivia said. "I don't care if every biddy in California sees me get big as a house and knows what I've done, and knows I'm going to keep my baby and raise it myself. I will not desert my child, ever."

Jarrod got up. Olivia had her back to him, despite the words she was using. He took her by the shoulders. "Let me get in touch with this place in San Francisco. It's not the Ritz, but it is comfortable. They can take in six women at a time. If there's room for you and they will guarantee they won't take your child from you after it's born, will you go there? Will you let them help you?"

"Who's going to pay for this?"

"It's charity," Jarrod admitted. "It's supported by good people who want to see unwed mothers and their children are cared for."

Olivia smiled at him. "Why do I get the feeling you're one of those good people?"

Jarrod smiled. "Don't tell anybody this – especially not my family - but when Heath came to us and I got to know him, I started supporting this group in San Francisco. I wanted to start a home here, but the church was too opposed to it. My brother Heath is a fine man who was born to an unwed mother, who kept him and raised him and he's as fine a man as I know. Olivia – I know that if you keep your child and raise it, you will be raising a fine human being. There's not a doubt in my mind. But I think you need some help getting there."

Olivia gave a little smile. It had hope in it, and belief in Jarrod, and gratitude. She knew he would be there for her. "All right," she said. "Get in touch with them, and if they will take me, I'll go."

Jarrod smiled and kissed her on the cheek. "I'll go wire them now."


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Jarrod wired the home in San Francisco right away and had a reply by the end of the day. He hurried back to Olivia's house with the news. They would take her if she could get there within the next two days. Jarrod was a little surprised by her reaction. She gave a little laugh and said, "I already packed."

Jarrod broke into a grin.

"I'm independent minded," Olivia reminded him. "Once I make that independent mind up, it's made up."

Jarrod laughed. "I'll wire them back, and I'll take you there myself on the train tomorrow morning." Before she could say she would get there herself, Jarrod said, "Don't argue. I want to see you're settled in, and I want to visit myself. I haven't been in six months or so. I like to check in now and then and see what they need."

"Why don't you want your family to know you're supporting this group?" Olivia said. "It doesn't embarrass you, does it?"

"No," Jarrod shook his head. "I have several organizations I support in San Francisco that they don't know about, just because I don't want to draw attention to it. In this case, I'm doing it to honor my brother, and I just don't want Heath to know. Just a quirk of mine."

Olivia understood. "I'll keep your secret, and I'll be ready to go first thing in the morning."

XXXXXX

When he got home and explained he was going to San Francisco the next morning, Jarrod had to explain why he had gotten a postponement of the case he had coming up in court and was taking off so suddenly. At first he was reluctant to say it was because Olivia was going there to have a baby – he was nervous his brothers would take it the wrong way, and his mother and sister, too for that matter – but remembering Olivia was not going to be secretive about her child, he explained.

"Olivia is a very good friend," he said. "She has become with child – not my child," he said quickly, but he didn't explain whose it was. "She doesn't want to give the baby up once it's born. She wants to raise it herself, here in Stockton. She can't go to the nuns here because they'll make her give the baby up, so she's going to this place I know of in San Francisco, where they'll help her have the baby but not force her to give it up."

"How long do you intend to stay involved in this with her?" Victoria asked.

Jarrod understood the expression in his mother's eyes. She was concerned about the effect his involvement with this unwed mother was going to have on his life, on his career. "I don't know," he said. "Olivia is a very independent woman. She might not allow me to be very involved. But I care about her. I care about what she's going through, and I'm at least going to give her my legal expertise as long as she wants it."

The way they were all looking at him told him he had to explain more. He knew Olivia wouldn't mind what he was about to say.

"She's my age, Mother," he said. "She's over 30 and she sees this as her last chance to have a child of her own. And she might very well be right. She's a good woman. I've known her for a few years. I'll give her whatever help she'll accept."

It was later, while having a cigar on the verandah, that the very honest conversation began, and Jarrod was not really surprised it was Heath who came out to join him. What was a little surprising was his opening remark – "Are you gonna marry this woman, Jarrod?"

Jarrod raised an eyebrow at his bluntness. "Not likely," he said. Then he admitted it. "I think if we were going to marry, we'd have done it already."

"She's one of your earlier relationships, isn't she?" Heath asked.

"I can't answer that, Heath," Jarrod said. "I promised any woman I was with I'd keep it to myself. I just won't talk about them, not even to the family, not even to say I was or wasn't with someone."

But that was answer enough, at least on that part of the subject. Heath switched to his other big concern, and said, "Does she know how rough a time she's in for?"

"She's already getting the rough treatment," Jarrod said.

"But raising an illegitimate child alone," Heath said. "Is she considering how that's going to affect her child?"

Jarrod eyed his brother. Heath never talked much about how growing up illegitimate affected him. He didn't really have to. When he showed up here he was angry and bitter, but the inner man of warmth and commitment came through pretty quickly. Jarrod said, "She's seen how it's affected you. She knows you're a good man."

"She doesn't know how hard a fight it was to get there," Heath said, and he wouldn't look at his brother now.

"Do you want to talk to her?" Jarrod asked flat out.

"No," Heath said. "I don't. She's close to you, not me."

"I'll tell her anything you think she needs to know, if you tell me."

Jarrod's blue eyes were sympathetic, but not pitying in any way. Heath had never seen a bit of pity in Jarrod's eyes for who he was and how he came to be, even if in the beginning he saw doubt. But that was in the beginning, and except for Victoria, Jarrod was the quickest of the Barkleys to understand and accept who Heath was – all of who he was. Still, now, Heath hesitated answering Jarrod's question, almost sorry he had brought any of this up. He wondered what to say. He finally said, "My mother was a special woman. She was kind, she was loving, and she was strong enough to face the kind of treatment the 'good' people gave her because of me."

"Because of you," Jarrod said. He heard the guilt in there. He always knew it was there, but Heath hadn't been so blunt about it before.

Heath nodded. "You don't grow up a bastard without feeling like you've inflicted some bad on the people you love. You gotta learn to live with that before you come to realize that it wasn't your fault to begin with and you don't deserve to give yourself the guilt. It's a hard road for a kid. I just want to be sure you know that, and that Olivia knows that."

Jarrod nodded. "I'll make sure she does, Heath."

Heath gave a nod and a cockeyed smile. "That's all, Jarrod," he said. "That's all she really needs to understand. And I hope she can do this. I hope she's made of the same stuff my mother was made of."

Jarrod nodded. "I think she is, Heath. I think this baby will be as lucky to have her as a mother as you were to have Leah."

Heath's cockeyed smile grew. He gave his older brother an appreciative pat on the arm and went back inside.

XXXXXX

Jarrod decided that he would wait to talk to Olivia about Heath's advice. Traveling to San Francisco and moving into the environment of a home for unwed mothers was going to be trauma enough for one day, without thinking too much about the future. When Jarrod arrived at Olivia's place in the morning, he arrived with a smile and a respectful tip of the hat. "Good morning," he said politely. "Are you ready to go?"

Olivia nodded. "I am."

Jarrod carried her bags as they walked to the station, which wasn't far. They both noticed a few heads looking their way, watching this fallen women being escorted and assisted by the most prominent and unmarried lawyer in town. Olivia wondered what damage just being seen with her was going to do to Jarrod's reputation. But Jarrod just smiled and tipped his hat to every woman they came to, and said hello to the people he knew personally as if he were escorting any other client. Olivia hoped people would see it that way, that she was a client, not even a friend.

Before long they were on board and heading out of town. Jarrod had sprung for first class tickets, knowing the seats would be more comfortable. He also made sure there were several paper bags available, just in case Olivia needed them for her morning sickness or even motion sickness from the movement of the train. She needed one once, and that was all. "I'm over the morning sickness part," she said quietly. "It wasn't too bad anyway."

Jarrod didn't hesitate to hold her hand, knowing how tough this trip was on her even if she was putting on a brave front. "I hope you'll let me look in on you at the home now and then. I don't mean to be nosy or bossy. I just care how you'll be getting along."

"I'd like to see you now and then," Olivia said. "I'll feel less lonely."

But it didn't take long, once they arrived at the home in San Francisco, for Olivia to realize loneliness was not going to be one of her biggest problems. She was greeted right away by five women who ran everything – Mrs. Tate the administrator, Mrs. Parson the midwife, Mrs. Jones the housekeeper, Mrs. Oster the cook and Mrs. McWhirtle the "everything else." Every one of them wore a smile, and even all the unwed mothers-to-be who lived here looked comfortable, protected, safe.

"Mr. Barkley, we'd love for you to come back this evening for dinner with us, but for now we'd like you to skedaddle while we make Miss Olivia comfortable and get her familiar with the routine," Mrs. Tate said after Jarrod had carried Olivia's bags to her room.

"Sadly, I have to get right back to Stockton," Jarrod said, "so I'll have to decline. But I'll be back in a week or so. May I stop by then and see how Olivia is doing?" He asked that question mostly of Olivia.

Olivia nodded, leaned toward him and gave him a peck on the cheek. "I'm sure I'll be doing fine and I'll be well settled in. But Jarrod – my place in Stockton – will you look after it, or at least after my things I left there? I haven't prepaid the rent for more than another month."

"I'll look after things," Jarrod said, well aware they hadn't even discussed how Olivia was going to support herself and her child after the baby was born. There were so many things to talk about, but they had to take the back burner. For now, just getting Olivia through the pregnancy had to take priority.

Olivia understood he'd be thinking what he was thinking. "We'll be talking a lot over the next few months, I suppose. I know I have decisions to make."

"I'll help you," Jarrod said. "Mrs. Tate," he said then with a slight bow. "I hope you'll think about what you need around here so we can talk about that when I come back next week."

"Oh, we're doing fine right now," Mrs. Tate said. "We just got a nice donation from the mayor's wife."

"That's wonderful," Jarrod said. Then he leaned to give Olivia a kiss. "Till we see each other again, Olivia."

She nodded and smiled.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Once he got back to work in Stockton, Jarrod had to concentrate on the case he had gotten postponed, since he'd only gotten a three-day extension. The client who was accused of stealing the tools was found guilty, but only suffered a fine, which he was able to pay, and he walked out of the courthouse a free man. Jarrod got back to his other work, and the days went by very quickly.

The next week, he went back to San Francisco, to see Olivia but also because he had clients there he needed to see to. When he saw Olivia, he was alarmed. She was noticeably paler than she had been. Mrs. Parson, the midwife, only came once a week or so to check on the women there, but she was there when Jarrod arrived. She told Jarrod that a doctor had been there to see Olivia once it looked like she was becoming anemic. He had prescribed a change in diet, which Olivia had just started. Olivia gave Jarrod a tired but determined smile, saying, "I hate spinach, but I hope this baby likes it."

Jarrod chuckled. "Do you feel up to a walk?"

"With you, yes," Olivia said.

Mrs. Tate said, "Don't go too far. I know you're a fine, muscular man, but I'd just as soon you don't have to carry Olivia home."

"Well, phooey," Olivia said in mock disappointment.

Jarrod took her out into the mission district neighborhood, which could be a bit rough at night but was all right in the daylight. They walked slowly toward a small park a couple blocks away. "How have you been feeling otherwise?" Jarrod asked her.

"Not bad," she said. "I've had to let some clothes out again. I have a feeling this is going to be a big baby."

"Have you chosen names yet?" Jarrod asked.

"Amanda, if it's a girl," Olivia said. "David for a boy. Both my parents' names."

"Good, solid names," Jarrod said.

"Have you been able to do anything with my place and my things?" Olivia asked.

"Don't worry about those. I've paid the rent ahead for six months."

"Oh, Jarrod – "

"No, no, don't give it a thought. But we do have to think about how you're going to support yourself and your child, once you get back to Stockton."

Olivia sighed, and Jarrod felt her shiver. "Well, I know I won't be working at the dress shop. Mrs. Corbin is kind, but she can't have me around."

"I can check around if you like," Jarrod said. "Discretely, of course, with people I trust not to be judgmental or big-mouthed about my asking."

"Would you? I'd be so grateful."

"There's another thought. You could stay here in San Francisco. It's a more forgiving place in a lot of ways. You can get lost in the crowd."

"But not as easy a place for a child to grow up," Olivia said.

"In this case, I'm not so sure," Jarrod said. "You know my brother Heath is illegitimate, or at least he grew up that way. I talked to him about it. He said one thing you need to know is that it's tough for a child to grow up that way, not just because of how people look at her. He said he grew up feeling guilty."

Olivia looked surprised. "Guilty? For what?"

"For being the cause of the scorn people heaped on his mother. He said it took a while for him to realize it wasn't his fault. He did want you to know what could happen to a child born illegitimate."

Now Olivia looked concerned. "I hadn't thought about that."

"But listen," Jarrod said quickly. "You're not going to be getting scorn from me or my family, and your child is going to know that not everyone is going to make her feel guilty about being alive. She's going to have nothing but love from me."

Olivia smiled. "You're sure she's going to be a she, aren't you?"

Jarrod laughed. "Well, not consciously, but I guess I do think so, yes."

They reached the little park and sat down on a bench. Olivia took a deep breath of the San Francisco air. It was comfortable today, not windy and not foggy, just pleasant.

Jarrod said, "Olivia, you know I care for you, don't you?"

Olivia nodded, smiling. "Yes, I do, and I'm very grateful."

"I don't intend to just disappear out of your life once your baby is born. If you come back to Stockton to live and to raise her, I hope you'll let me be part of your lives."

Olivia lost her smile. "Oh, Jarrod, that might be dangerous for you. When we were together, you knew how people might take it and we were discrete, but if I have my child with me and you're with us, it could hurt your reputation and your business."

"Let me worry about that," Jarrod said. "No one needs to know you're more than a client to me. No one will be suspicious because I will treat you as I treat any client, with respect and caring. And I'm not proposing we resume the relationship we had before. But you know something, Olivia? You said this might be your only chance to have a child. I may never have one. I would like to help you with your little girl, if you'll let me."

"Oh, Jarrod – " she said. "Of course, I'll need help and if you're the one to give it, I will thank God over and over. But you need to be sure. A child needs a commitment."

"And she'll have it," Jarrod said.

Olivia grew solemn. "And will she have it if something happens to me? Are you willing to take care of her, or to see that she's taken care of, if something happens to me?"

Jarrod grew just as solemn. "Yes. Yes, I am. Olivia – we were lovers once, and I still treasure that time. I still treasure you, even if that part of our life is over. I won't let you down."

Olivia rested her head against his shoulder, and she let the tears out, soft and grateful. "I know neither one of us was ready to get married back then – and neither one of us is ready to get married now. But if you would be my baby's surrogate Pappy – " She smiled. She knew Jarrod's nickname in his family. He had told her once, when they were together.

Jarrod chuckled when she used it.

She looked up at him. "If you'll be Amanda's surrogate Pappy, I'd be very pleased."

Jarrod kissed her, light on the lips, the kiss of a friend if not a lover. "Pappy I'll be," he said.

XXXXXXX

Jarrod visited two times more before he had to return to Stockton. By the second visit, he could see that Olivia had more color, that the change in diet was working. He was relieved. When he went back to Stockton, he was more at ease that she was doing well.

He was back in San Francisco three weeks after that, and by now Olivia was showing pretty well. One of the other women had given birth the day before he arrived, and all the women were oohing and ahing over the sweet little girl who was now among them. She was tiny and bald as an egg, but with eyes bright and intelligent. Jarrod asked to hold her, and when he lifted her into his strong arms, she looked right into his eyes. He was sunk.

Olivia had to laugh. "Jarrod, I never dreamed you were such a sucker for babies."

Jarrod laughed. "I was fourteen and fifteen when my sister and my youngest brother were born. I was sunk with them, too." He handed the baby back to her mother. "What is her name?" he asked.

"Lucy," the mother said.

"A beautiful name," Jarrod said, "for a beautiful little girl."

The baby began to cry.

"Who's hungry," Mrs. Tate said and ushered Jarrod and Olivia out of the mother's room.

Olivia was still smiling at the way Jarrod took to that baby, but she felt a twinge of sadness, too. Jarrod should have been married and smiling at his own children. If his wife hadn't been killed, he would be. But Olivia said, "You'll be a good surrogate Pappy."

Jarrod laughed. "How have you been feeling?"

"Better, stronger," Olivia said. "The change in diet has helped. But my back is beginning to bother me more and I had to get new shoes because my feet have swollen, and this having a baby thing is tougher than I thought." She laughed.

"How much longer now? Four months or so?"

"Something like that."

"Do you need anything? New clothes? Baby things?"

"Not baby things, not yet, anyway. I'll need new clothes before long, but there are plenty of hand-me-downs around here. Once you have that baby, you don't need the tent dresses anymore and can pass them on."

Jarrod smiled. "If you need anything at all that they can't provide here, you let me know. And I need to talk with Mrs. Tate about what else they might need around here, too. Maybe you don't need baby things yet, but I'll bet that new mother does."

Mrs. Tate came up to them as he was saying that, and she said, "I could stand to talk to you about some business things, Jarrod. Do you have time?"

"Of course," Jarrod said.

Olivia said, "I'd like to go lie down for a while anyway. If I'm asleep when you go, Jarrod – will you be back?"

"Tomorrow," Jarrod said. He gave Olivia a squeeze of the hand before she went off to her room.

Mrs. Tate said, "Let's go into the office and talk privately."

Jarrod followed her into the little room at the front of the house where she kept her records and other business things. She closed the door behind them and motioned Jarrod to sit down in front of her desk. When she sat down on the other side of it and looked up at him, she was wearing a lot of concern. "I need to talk to you some more about Olivia," she said.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Jarrod didn't like the tone of Mrs. Tate's voice at all when she said they needed to talk about Olivia. "What is it?" he asked.

Mrs. Tate said, "The doctor is concerned that she won't be able to carry the baby to term. Her anemia has improved, but there are other signs that she might lose this child."

Jarrod went numb. He fumbled for words. "Does Olivia know this?"

"In a way. The doctor warned her that she might have to take to her bed before very long. She's been very matter of fact about it, but of course, the doctor was gentle about the way he put it. I don't think Olivia understands the full extent of his concern, and he doesn't want her to."

Jarrod still was almost too stunned to think. "What can I do?" he asked.

"Support her. Take away whatever worries she may have about anything. The calmer she is, the more likely she'll get through this."

"Is that why the doctor didn't tell her how serious his concerns were?"

"Yes, and I support that decision. When pregnancies are fragile like this, a mother always does better if she doesn't have to worry too much. We're prepared to care for her if she has to take to her bed, so don't worry about that. But when you come to visit – try not to worry her. I understand she has concerns about her home in Stockton – "

"That's all taken care of," Jarrod said. "Olivia's a dear friend. I'll do whatever I have to do to help her."

Mrs. Tate smiled. "She's a strong woman, too, and frankly I think the doctor's concerns are just because he doesn't know her very well. He's used to frightened teen-agers, not full grown women over 30 having their first babies. I think Olivia will do whatever she needs to do to carry to term, and we'll help her as best we can."

Jarrod nodded. "What does she need? And what do you need around here to help the mission?"

"We're fine right now, and as I said, just support Olivia. Keep visiting. It means the world to her."

"I'll come back tomorrow. Do you think she'd be up to a walk outside again?"

"Let's see tomorrow."

Jarrod looked in on Olivia before he left, but she was asleep, lying fully dressed atop her bed. What Mrs. Tate had said frightened him, and he wondered how he was going to keep his worry from Olivia. Looking at her now, lying there in exhausted sleep, he wished this were all over and the baby had arrived safe and sound. He wished they were planning her return to Stockton and how she was going to take care of her baby and also hold a job. He wished a lot of things.

XXXXXX

When he came back the next day, Olivia was up to taking a walk with him, so once again they went down to the little park and sat together on the bench. She looked better today, had more color in her cheeks. She smiled more. Jarrod felt a bit better for her.

"Have you had any luck in finding me a job in Stockton?" Olivia asked.

"Actually, yes," he said. "It's only a seamstress job, but you would do it at home. You wouldn't have to be out in public dealing with difficult people, and you could be with the baby. What do you think?"

"I think I could do that," Olivia said. "Who would I be working for?"

"Mrs. Corbin," Jarrod said with a smile. The owner of the dress shop where Olivia had worked.

Olivia laughed a bit. "I knew she liked me. It just didn't occur to me she'd need a seamstress. She already had one."

"Mrs. Laughlin," Jarrod said, "but she and her husband are planning a move to Sacramento. His mother lives there alone and they're trying to find a suitable job for him up there so they can take care of her. It'll take a little time. The seamstress work should be ready for you when you're ready for it."

"Thank you, Jarrod. I knew you'd arrange something."

Jarrod said, "I understand the doctor has warned you that you might have to stay in bed before the baby comes."

"Yes," Olivia said with a sigh. "I'm just hoping I can make it to the eighth or ninth month before that happens. I'm not very good at being bedridden, but I'll do whatever it takes. If I can eat spinach, I can stay in bed."

Jarrod laughed. Olivia always was able to make him laugh. But he said, "You are something, you know that?"

"I want my baby," she said. "Oh, I know her father isn't much, but that doesn't mean she can't be wonderful. And her surrogate Pappy will fill the void. Now I just have to hope Tim doesn't turn up again."

That was a disturbing thought Jarrod hadn't considered at all. He immediately got protective. "Don't worry. I won't let him complicate your life."

Olivia squeezed his arm a little. "I hope you mean that you'll take care of him legally, not with this great new body of yours."

Now he was embarrassed. "Great new body, huh?"

"Great muscles, great strength, and I still remember that fight in the alley."

Jarrod remembered, too. "When I misinterpreted what was happening?"

Olivia admitted something finally. "You didn't really misinterpret. Tim was manhandling me. He was angry because he thought I was seeing someone else, which I wasn't. But once he got a notion in his head, Tim was not one to let it go. I told the sheriff you misinterpreted because – well, I needed Tim. At least I thought I needed Tim. Now, I think I was just a fool."

"It's water under the bridge, Olivia," Jarrod said. "Tim is out of the picture. He won't be back."

"Let's hope not," Olivia said.

XXXXXX

Weeks went on, and Olivia's pregnancy continued without complications. Jarrod tried to get to San Francisco more often, unaware his family was concerned about that. More and more they worried that he was becoming too attached to Olivia, too enamored of her baby, too. When she got into her seventh month and he began going to San Francisco more often, Victoria finally felt the need to say something.

The night before he was to leave again, she took him aside, to the living room while everyone else was gathered in the library, saying she just wanted to talk to him about something. Everyone else knew what she wanted to say to him. They had said it to each other. Jarrod was not entirely clueless, either. "I know what you're going to say," he opened the conversation himself.

"What am I going to say?" Victoria asked.

"That I'm getting too attentive to Olivia, too attached," he said as they sat down on the settee. "And you're right, in one sense I am, but I care about her, Mother. She's in a tough spot."

"A spot you're not responsible for," Victoria reminded him.

"But the baby's father is not around, and that's a good thing, because he's irresponsible and would only make life more difficult for Olivia," Jarrod said.

"Jarrod, have you ever been involved with Olivia before this – romantically?"

He knew the question was coming. He said, "Mother, I can't tell you that. I don't think it's appropriate for me to answer questions about who I might have been involved with in the past."

"I'm not naïve, Jarrod," Victoria said. "You're a man and a widower. But I won't press. I'm only concerned that you're getting very close to Olivia, and when that baby comes, you'll be drawn even closer."

"I have told Olivia that I will be there for her and her child, and I intend to carry through with that," Jarrod said. "I'm not the baby's father and I don't intend to be."

"What we intend and what we end up feeling can be two different things."

Jarrod squeezed his mother's hands. "I know what I'm doing, Mother. Please don't worry."

"What if the baby's father comes back into the picture?" Victoria asked the tough question. "What role do you see for yourself then? Are you going to fight him if he tries to come back into Olivia's life?"

"That will be up to Olivia," Jarrod said. "If she wants me to, the role I'll have will be as her lawyer. Please don't worry, Mother. Olivia and I aren't kids. We both know what's happening. We both know what could happen. She needs someone, and I want to be that someone for as long as she and her child need me."

"And if she decides she doesn't need you anymore? I don't want to see you get hurt, Jarrod."

"Like I was hurt before?" Jarrod asked. "Mother, you don't gain if you don't risk hurt. Please don't worry. I like to think I've grown a bit wiser over the past couple years, and I know what my relationship with Olivia is and what it isn't."

Jarrod kissed his mother on the forehead. Victoria accepted it, squeezing his hands. "All right, Jarrod. All right. Just remember who you should come to if it turns out you're the one in the tight spot at some point."

Jarrod smiled. "I know exactly who to come to. That's one lesson I've learned very well."


	10. Chapter 10

Caution - Tissue warning. Things don't always work out the way we want them to.

Chapter 10

When Jarrod returned to San Francisco again, Olivia was into her eighth month, and she had taken to her bed. It broke his heart to hear that from Mrs. Tate, but he felt a little better when he went to Olivia's room and saw her. She was comfortably in bed, smiling, full of color, and she said, "Well, I made it farther than I thought I would."

Jarrod came close and sat down in a chair beside the bed. He took her hand. "How are you feeling?"

"Better, actually, since I got off my feet. You can't tell with all the covers but I'm as big as a house now and it was getting hard to haul myself around. I think the doctor's been off on his prediction a bit. I think I'm closer to delivering than he thinks."

"As long as you're comfortable," Jarrod said.

"They're taking good care of me. I want to thank you for bringing me here, Jarrod. Your money is definitely not misplaced. These are good people and they're doing fine work here. I couldn't have made it this far on my own."

"I know," Jarrod nodded. "Now, what can I do for you today?"

"I don't really need anything. I have books I can read. I have all the help I need just by ringing my little bell here." She pointed to a small handbell on the nightstand next to the bed.

"Would you like me to read to you for a bit?"

"That would be wonderful, but first, I want to talk to you about something else. I want to make out my will."

Jarrod raised an eyebrow. "Your will? I didn't know you didn't have one."

"And you call yourself a lawyer," she teased. "No, I don't have one. I want to leave everything I own to my child, and if for some reason this doesn't work out and I lose this child – " Her voice closed up, but she swallowed and went on. "I want to leave everything I own to this place, this home. I want to help them to keep doing their work. Will you write up a will for me?"

"Of course. I'll do it today and bring it by tomorrow."

"What else do I need to be thinking about, Jarrod?"

"Well, we have a job lined up for you when you get back to Stockton. My mother is already getting into a shopping mood, so you'll have everything you need for the baby. Of course, Dr. Merar knows about your pregnancy, since he saw you before you came here, and he'll be ready to keep an eye on both you and the baby. I have your rent paid through a few more months and your place is fine – I've checked on it. I think we've gotten things lined up pretty well."

Olivia smiled and squeezed his hand. "You've been wonderful through this. I can't thank you enough."

"Just seeing you look so well and comfortable is thanks enough. You know you and Amanda are in my prayers every day."

Olivia smiled. "What if it's David and not Amanda?"

"Well, I sneak him into my prayers, too."

Olivia leaned her head back a little. "Just think. Another month or so and Amanda or David will be here. Oh, Jarrod, I'm so excited sometimes I can't stand it – and so scared."

"Of course you're excited and scared. You're doing the scariest thing a woman can do – have a first baby. But you and your baby are going to be fine, and I will be there to make sure you are. I won't run out on you, Olivia."

"Even if you find someone and marry again?" Olivia asked, very seriously. "You should do that, you know. You shouldn't let me and Amanda keep you from doing that."

Jarrod smiled a little wistfully. "If something is keeping me from doing that, it's not you and Amanda, believe me. So don't give that concern another moment of attention. If I should marry again – my wife will know that you're as dear to me as a sister and Amanda is as dear to me as a niece. It will work out fine."

Olivia smiled and rested her head back again. "One more month. Oh, I wish it would hurry up and pass so I can hold my baby in my arms – and see my feet again."

Jarrod laughed.

XXXXX

Jarrod almost hated to return to Stockton, but a few days later he had to. He had a difficult case coming up in court – a challenge to a will he had written for a man who had left everything he owned to the orphanage, disowning his adult children who were livid. It was not a big estate but not a small one either. Jarrod was executor, but probate was on hold until the challenge was heard and resolved.

Jarrod never liked family infighting, especially when it was over money. Tempers ran high and the family almost never could be repaired. This case was no different. Throughout testimony, there was a lot of yelling. The witnesses consistently blamed Jarrod, accusing him of browbeating their father into leaving them out of the will for the benefit of the orphanage where his sister Audra volunteered regularly. Jarrod ended up having to testify himself, highly unusual but necessary given the way the case was going. The trial went on for two grueling days before the judge ruled the will was valid, that Jarrod hadn't strongarmed anyone and probate should go forward. But Jarrod knew an appeal was coming. The estate was large enough to warrant one. This mess wasn't going to be over anytime soon.

Jarrod was scarcely through the front door after that last long, heavy day, when there came a knock. He wondered for a moment who it was and why he hadn't noticed anyone out there before he came in. "I got it," he said wearily before his mother could get up or Silas could get in from the dining room.

There was a young man, a stranger, at the door. He held an envelope out, saying, "This is for you, Mr. Barkley."

Jarrod gave him a tip, taking the envelope and saying, "Thank you," as the young man left.

Jarrod closed the door, tired and wishing this hadn't come in just now because whatever it was, it would require attention he didn't think he had the energy for. Wandering into the living room, he opened the envelope and read – and stopped.

His face went white as a sheet. His hands began to shake, then his whole being began to go limp. "No – " he said quietly. "Oh, no – "

Victoria got up and came to him. Nick and Heath were coming down the stairs and moved faster when they saw what was happening.

Jarrod was dissolving into tears as his mother reached him. "Jarrod, what is it?" Victoria asked, taking hold of his arm.

"Olivia – " Jarrod said as his brothers reached him. He read from the telegram. "'Sorry to inform you that Miss Emery's baby arrived this morning. The baby girl has survived but Miss Emery – '" Jarrod choked up completely and went straight to a numb shock, dropping the telegram onto the floor. "Olivia is dead," he said.

Victoria quickly guided him to his thinking chair and sat him down, as Nick and Heath looked at each other and didn't know what to do. Nick picked up the telegram, read it and handed it to Heath. Jarrod sat upright in the chair for a moment, then leaned forward with his face in his hands, but it wasn't ten seconds later he was up again and moving.

"I have to get to San Francisco," he said and headed for the front door.

"No, Jarrod, wait," Nick said, grabbing hold of him.

"I can catch the late train," Jarrod said. "I have to get there. Please – " He looked stunned. He could only whisper, "Olivia – oh, God, Olivia – "

Nick took a strong hold of him. Heath said, "I'll get a rig ready. Jarrod, I can go to San Francisco with you."

Jarrod got himself back together again. "No, I'm all right, I'll be all right. Just take me into town. I'll be all right."

"Jarrod, maybe you need someone – " Victoria started.

Jarrod shook his head, pulling himself together. "No, I'll be all right. I have to see to the baby. I have to see to Olivia's baby. I promised her."

"I'll get the rig and take you into town," Heath said and hurried outside.

"Pappy, maybe you ought to take Heath with you," Nick tried.

But Jarrod was more in control now. He said, "No. I'm all right. It's just – I know this happens to women all the time, and it's not like Olivia was having an easy time of it, but dear God, Olivia – "

He was regaining control now. There was no stunned silence that followed, no anger, nothing but control now. For Olivia, for her baby, he had to have control.

"I'll be all right," he reiterated. "I'll be all right."

Since he had a home in San Francisco, Jarrod never needed to pack anything so that thought wasn't cluttering his or anyone else's mind. All Victoria and Nick could do was look at him, and at each other.

Audra came in the door. "Heath told me – oh, Jarrod, oh, I'm so sorry." She took him by the arm.

Jarrod squeezed her hand. He looked at his mother. "I'll try to be back sometime tomorrow, but it might take me longer."

"Just look out for yourself, Pappy," Nick said.

Jarrod nodded and headed out the door.

"We should go with him," Nick said.

"No," Victoria said. "He needs to see to this on his own. He needs to be alone."

That was when Audra and Victoria began to cry, for Jarrod, for Olivia, for her baby. "Sometimes God seems so unavailable," Audra said quietly.

"Sometimes," Victoria said, even more quietly.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

Heath took Jarrod into town in a buggy, with no conversation at all until they got there. There were still several hours before the late train would leave. Once they pulled up in front of Jarrod's office, Heath said, "Can I buy you a drink before you go?"

Jarrod looked at him. "Yeah. Maybe."

They got out. Heath hitched up the buggy, and the two of them went over to Harry's saloon. It didn't take Harry but a moment to see that something was very wrong. Jarrod came in like he was walking through a nightmare that had his head spinning. He sat down at a table while Heath came to the bar.

"What's happening?" Harry asked quietly after Heath ordered two whiskeys.

"Olivia Emery died," Heath said.

"Oh," Harry moaned. "She was gonna have a baby."

Heath nodded. "She died in childbirth. The baby's still alive. Jarrod's going to San Francisco to see what he can do."

"I know she was a client of his and he was taking care of her. I'll bet this has hit him pretty hard."

"Yeah," Heath said and carried the two drinks over to the table.

He sat down with his older brother but didn't say anything. He didn't know if Jarrod was going to talk or not. For a long time they just sat, drank, stared. Heath noticed a lot of people in the room were staring at them, especially the working girls after they spoke to Harry and heard what had happened.

Suddenly, out of the blue, Jarrod said, "It shouldn't have happened. None of this should have happened."

"You couldn't have done more about it, Jarrod," Heath said. "You took real good care of her. You did your best."

Jarrod finally looked at him. He spoke very quietly. "You were right. She and I were involved a while back. We were both entirely too casual about it but we thought it was what we needed then. Now – I don't know."

"You sorry you didn't take things more seriously?" Heath asked.

"I don't know," Jarrod said. "I'm just sorry it all turned out the way it did. She deserved better."

"You haven't been ready to get married again," Heath said. "You know that. You weren't ready when you were involved with her."

"No," Jarrod admitted. "And neither was she. It's just – it's all so wrong."

"You'll take care of her baby now," Heath said. "You'll keep that promise. That's all you can do."

"Yeah," Jarrod said and finished his drink. "Yeah."

XXXXXXX

He didn't sleep at all on the overnight train. When he arrived in San Francisco shortly after dawn, he caught a hack straight to the mission district and the home he'd left Olivia at. Some kind of warped time seemed to take over on that ride – he started to think Olivia would be there, that she'd be all right, that this was all a mistake. But when he arrived and Mrs. Tate met him at the door, the sadness in her face slapped him hard. It wasn't a mistake. "Oh, Mr. Barkley, I'm so sorry," Mrs. Tate said and let him in.

"Where is she?" Jarrod asked.

"The undertaker has taken her away," Mrs. Tate said. "I have the address for you."

"Where is her child? Is she all right?" Jarrod asked.

Mrs. Tate nodded. "She's doing well. She's in here."

Mrs. Tate led Jarrod into a small room just off the parlor. Jarrod knew it well as the room they brought the babies to after they were born, to be cleaned and examined by the doctor, to be rocked and soothed until the mother was recovered enough from the delivery to take care of the child herself. But now, there was no mother for this little thing. Mrs. McWhirtle was sitting in the rocker with the baby in her arms. The baby was silent. Mrs. McWhirtle looked up, tears in her eyes, and she said, "She's such a good baby. She's sleeping and smiling. It's as if she doesn't know."

Jarrod came over and looked at the baby in Mrs. McWhirtle's arms. She had a shock of dark hair and the most peaceful look on her tiny face. Jarrod thought, _she looks just like her mother_, and he started to tear up. "May I?" he asked.

Mrs. McWhirtle handed the baby up to him, and he cradled her in his arms. She was so tiny. Compared to his strong arms, she looked like a kitten next to a healthy mountain lion. She fit perfectly along his solid forearm, her head in his big hand.

Mrs. Tate said, "Mr. Barkley, we've already been through the agency and contacted a couple on our waiting list there who want the child."

Jarrod looked over, surprised, but then he knew he shouldn't have been. As a single man, he'd never have been permitted to adopt the child. When a mother wanted to place a baby for adoption, or when they lost a mother here - a rare occurrence but not unheard of - the child was usually adopted quickly through an agency the people here worked with. It was a system that had worked out very well for the baby. "Who? What do you know about them?"

Mrs. Tate continued. "We don't know their name. I'm told they're a fine couple, childless, the same age as Miss Olivia was. He's a banker. They are reliable and have sufficient means and the court will probably authorize the adoption today."

Jarrod nodded. He knew adoptions like this would happen very quickly. No one wanted a child to suffer without a mother and father for very long. "Amanda," Jarrod said, looking at the little thing in his arms. "Olivia wanted to call her Amanda, for her own mother. I suppose her new family will want to give her their own name."

Mrs. Tate nodded. "That's what usually happens."

"Olivia left a small estate. I'll have to know how to get it to her new family."

"The agency will keep the family confidential, but we can arrange it through them when you're ready to distribute."

Jarrod nodded. He took a deep, shivering breath, and spoke softly to the baby. "Well, Amanda, my little sweetheart, I suppose this is both hello and good-bye. I know you won't remember, but I want to tell you how much your mother wanted you. How much she went through to be sure you came to be. How much her love will always be with you – and so will mine, little one. So will mine."

Jarrod kissed the baby on her forehead. The baby squinted and then looked up at him. In his heart, he watched all his own plans for this little thing go flying away. All the time he'd hoped to spend with Olivia and her baby, not as a father but yes, as Pappy. All the dreams he hoped to surround this child with, so she wouldn't feel her very existence had hurt her mother or anyone else who loved her. At least he didn't have to worry about that now. This child would have two loving parents. This child would grow up as normally as any little girl ever did. She'd just grow up without Olivia, and without him.

Jarrod kissed the baby again, gave her back to Mrs. McWhirtle and said, "Tell me where to go to find Olivia."

XXXXXX

The funeral parlor wasn't opened yet when Jarrod arrived, so he went to a nearby café and got a cup of coffee. The only vestige of his distress now were his hands that shook when he raised the coffee. He wasn't sure if it was grief, or the feeling of injustice, or the anger that was making them so weak, but he couldn't keep them still. He had to just endure it.

When the funeral parlor opened, Jarrod met with the undertaker and immediately paid for Olivia to be interred in one of San Francisco's better secular cemeteries. He knew a churchyard was out of the question for an unwed mother, and Olivia was not a deeply religious person anyway. There would be no services of any kind, no graveside memorial. The undertaker couldn't even be sure exactly when she would be buried. Jarrod just made sure he knew where she would be, so he could come be with her now and then. Somebody had to be with her now and then.

The undertaker took him to her for a few moments. She lay alone in a back room, on a table. She was paler than Jarrod had ever seen any human being be, and he realized it was because she had lost so much blood while giving birth. The undertaker had not treated her with cosmetics to make her more presentable, and Jarrod was actually grateful he didn't. "She gave her life for her child," Jarrod said. "There's no need to pretend she didn't."

Jarrod leaned over and kissed her. He touched her face, held her hand, kissed her hand. The undertaker stepped out into the hall to give him some privacy.

"Your daughter already has a home with a couple who desperately want her, Olivia," Jarrod said softly. "She'll be well taken care of, I'm sure. She's beautiful, just like you." His tears started up again, and he kissed her again. "You and I, we should have lived our lives differently. I should have asked you to be my wife. Maybe you might have said yes, independent mind and all." But then he realized, marriage would not have saved Olivia's life. Had they married, he'd now be widowed a second time. He still felt widowed a second time.

He kissed her once more and said, "I love you, Olivia. I'll never forget you."

And he left to go back to Stockton.

XXXXXX

It was a long trip home, seemingly longer than any he had ever taken, but he was exhausted and realized that had something to do with it. When his train rolled into Stockton, after dark, he trudged off like a man whose boots were filled with mud. He went straight around the station and onto the street. For a moment he had forgotten Heath had brought him in and he had no way home, but as soon as he remembered, he headed toward the livery stable to get a mount and just get out of here, go home, go put this day behind him.

And then he looked up, and the man was not ten feet in front of him on the street, lit up by the light of the saloon next to him. Jarrod stopped. It took a moment to register, and then it did. Out of the blue, here he was, right in front of him.

Tim Boniface was back in Stockton.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

_Tim Boniface was back in Stockton._

It was absolutely the wrong time for this to happen. Just getting off the train, just getting his bearings back from the heartbreaking trip to San Francisco, just getting used to the reality that Olivia was gone and her child was off onto another life with another family – and now here was Tim Boniface, right in front of him on the street in Stockton.

Tim Boniface, who had gotten Olivia pregnant and deserted her. Who had bailed on his responsibility for his actions, just as he had always done. Until this moment, Jarrod had been able to keep his anger in check all day because his grief was overwhelming it, but now, with Tim Boniface in front of him, the black rage was screaming up inside of him. It showed. Even Boniface flinched back a slight step.

It was Sheriff Madden who intervened and saved him. "Jarrod, you best be on your way now. You're about to get into big trouble if you don't."

Boniface abruptly and quickly turned and got out of there, moving fast down the street and into the saloon.

Jarrod glared after him. Sheriff Madden said, "He came looking for Olivia. Heath told me what happened after he dropped you off at the train station last night. I told Boniface she was gone."

"I hope you didn't tell him that the baby was still alive," Jarrod snarled, watching Boniface disappear into the saloon.

"I didn't, but I don't think he'd care anyway," Sheriff Madden said. "Do you know where the baby is?"

"Adopted by a couple in San Francisco," Jarrod said. Now that Boniface was out of sight, he was able to take a deep breath and to try to let the rage go. "I don't know who. I thought it best not to know and the agency doesn't reveal that information anyway."

"That was probably wise," the sheriff said. "Look, I don't think the family knew when you'd be back so there's nobody here to pick you up. Why don't you just get a mount at the stable and go home? You don't need to be here just yet. You don't need Boniface in front of you, by choice or by accident. You're likely to kill the man – by choice or by accident. You're one helluva lot bigger than he is now."

"You're right," Jarrod admitted. "I'll head home. But I work in this town, Fred. I'll have to come back."

"And you'll have to get a grip on your anger, or your whole life could explode in your face," Sheriff Madden warned. "I know how you felt about Olivia, but she's gone, and her child has a new home and family. I know how hard it is for you to swallow, but you have to swallow it. You have to curb that rage of yours and swallow it."

Jarrod knew the sheriff was right, and he knew this time – unlike the time the sheriff tried to get him under control before he took off after Beth's killer – he had to listen and follow the man's advice. Jarrod nodded, and without another word he headed for the livery stable.

By the time he got home and went into the house, it was after dinner. The family were all sharing coffee in the living room, and everyone went quiet and looked up at him when he came in. He wasn't aware of how serious the scowl on his face was, how dark his eyes had become, but they could all see it. They had seen it before. They knew what it meant.

"What happened, Jarrod?" Victoria asked.

Nick poured his older brother a glass of scotch as Jarrod came into the living room. Jarrod couldn't look up at them. He didn't even realize Nick was handing him a drink – Nick had to put it into his hand. Jarrod tried to organize his thinking before he put it into words.

"Olivia died in childbirth," Jarrod said. "The baby is fine and has already been adopted into a good family. It's all done. There's nothing to worry about."

"Then what has you looking like a loaded shotgun?" Nick asked.

Jarrod looked at him. "Tim Boniface is back in town. Tim Boniface is the baby's father."

Everyone deflated at once.

"Does he know about the baby?" Heath asked.

"Fred Madden said he told him about Olivia, but not about the baby," Jarrod said.

"You haven't hurt the man – " Victoria said, worried and hoping Jarrod hadn't gone haywire on Boniface.

Jarrod said, "I wanted to, but no, I didn't hurt him. I'll do my best not to hurt him but right now – it's a tough battle."

Nick and Heath looked at each other, not looking forward to reining their older brother in, particularly now that he was physically more powerful than he had been the last time he lost himself in rage. Audra said, "Jarrod – would Olivia want you to take this any farther? Would she want you to go after Boniface?"

Jarrod looked at his little sister's worried eyes – and what he saw was the baby he had held in his arms so long ago, just as he had held Olivia's child this morning. He suddenly saw Olivia's daughter grown up, just as Audra had grown up. He saw the years rushing by, and he lost his anger and all of himself in them, both the years lost for Olivia's child and the years gained from helping to raise Audra. "No," he answered Audra's question, gently and sincerely because she was the one who had asked it. Then he gulped down his drink and put the glass down on the refreshment table. "If you'll excuse me, I need to clean up. Have Silas put together a sandwich for me, if you would."

He hauled himself to the stairs and climbed wearily. They watched him.

"He's going to have to go into town tomorrow, to his office," Victoria said.

"I'll go with him," Nick said.

"He won't like it, and you can't go with him every day," Victoria said.

"No," Nick agreed. "But I'm hoping I won't have to."

XXXXXX

Jarrod was quiet after he came down, joining the family in the library now and taking his sandwich there, growing more tired after he ate. He retired early, and his family was glad of it. A good night's sleep would help him through the next day.

At breakfast, he was still quiet but rested now. He ate well and got up as soon as he finished, saying, "I have to get to town and get back to work I put off."

Nick popped up at the same time. "I have banking to do. I'll go with you."

"I can do it for you, Nick," Jarrod said.

Nick could tell that Jarrod knew exactly what he was doing – going with him to see he didn't get into trouble right away. He said, "No, I have to do the paperwork with the bank. And you might need me."

Being that blunt made Jarrod angry, but it didn't last. He knew his brother was only trying to have his back. But - "You can't stay all day, Nick."

"I won't need to," Nick said. "Once you get back to work, you'll be all right on your own."

Jarrod actually had to smile a little at his younger brother's candidness. He gave Nick and clap on the arm, saying, "I'll see everyone at dinner," kissing his mother, and heading out.

Nick gave his mother a "don't worry" grin as he followed Jarrod out.

They saddled their horses themselves, Nick asking, "Have you got a lot of work lined up today?"

"Some," Jarrod said. "I'll have to – " and then he stopped, before he said, more quietly, "I'll have to get started probating Olivia's will. Oh – " He suddenly remembered. "The will's in San Francisco. I'll have to probate it there. I'll have to get back there later in the week."

"Better slow down and see what you have to do here first," Nick said. "Is there anything I can do to help?"

"No," Jarrod said as they led their horses out of the stable and mounted up. "I'll get it all organized in a few hours."

Nick said, "I can stay in town as long as you want."

Jarrod smiled a little. "I know what you're thinking, Brother Nick, but don't feel like you have to ride herd on me. I'll just stay away from the saloon and probably never even see Boniface."

"You can't keep that up forever."

"And you can't keep dogging me forever. I'll get through this, Nick. And if I punch Boniface out, it'll be because he started it, not me."

Nick gave a grin. "Just remember, you got a lot of heft behind you now. I don't want to have to bail my big brother out of jail."

"Yeah, you do," Jarrod teased.

They rode into town, both of them feeling more like themselves and not like the world was about to blow up in their faces. Jarrod went off to his office and Nick went off to the bank. It didn't take long for Nick to finish his business there, and after he did he went back to Jarrod's office – but he saw something on the way.

Harry was just opening up his saloon, and Tim Boniface was already going in. Nick had an ugly feeling Boniface was going to be drinking in there all day, and that could make for trouble. Nick paused for a minute, thought about going over there and confronting the man himself, just to let him know he was being watched.

But then Nick looked up at Jarrod's office window and saw his older brother standing there, looking out with his face in a frown. Jarrod had seen Boniface go into the saloon too. He said he's stay away from the saloon, but now Nick had his doubts.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

Jarrod wasn't surprised when Nick came into his office, and he really wasn't surprised when the first thing Nick said was, "Boniface is gonna get good and drunk today."

"That's pretty obvious," Jarrod agreed.

"You best stay away from Harry's," Nick said. "I really _don't_ want to have to bail you out of jail."

"I'm not gonna run away from him, Nick. If he wants to start trouble with me, he'll come on up here and do it anyway."

"I'm not sure he wants to start trouble. I'm just afraid that if we put the two of you in the same room, it'll just happen."

Jarrod got a look of something in Nick's eyes, something he knew well. "Stay out of it, Nick. If you're itching to go start something to keep me from doing it, just ignore that itch. I don't want to have to bail you out either."

"He might just be madder at me for firing him than he is at you for Olivia," Nick said. "Did you ever think of that?"

"If he is, then follow the advice you've been handing me. Don't start anything. Let him start it. Better still, if you're finished with the banking, go home. I'll mind myself."

"I'll go home if you promise to stay out of Harry's."

Jarrod hesitated. "I can't make that promise, Nick. But I'll do my best to stay out of Boniface's way, and if anything starts, it won't be me who starts it."

"All right, Jarrod," Nick gave in. "But you get arrested, and I might let you stay in jail overnight."

Jarrod nodded. "That sounds fair."

Nick said, "See you at dinner," and left.

Jarrod turned and looked out the window, watching to be sure Nick was really leaving and wasn't going to head straight for Harry's. But Nick didn't do that. In a moment, he saw Nick mount up and ride out of town.

Then Jarrod gave a big resigned sigh. Despite what he'd said to Nick, he really didn't know of any way to resolve this thing that ate at him, this rage with Boniface, this grief over losing Olivia and Amanda, this feeling that he was out of his mind because they were never his to begin with but if not his to look out for, whose? Olivia's, of course, but not alone. Certainly not Boniface's. His doing, yes. He deserted Olivia and their child, and now, God alone knew what he was going to do now that he knew Olivia was dead. Now that he was in Harry's getting drunk already. Jarrod knew that they would collide sooner or later, him and Boniface. They had to. He was furious with Boniface, and if Boniface didn't already know he had spent Olivia's last months helping to care for her, he'd know very soon and then Boniface would begin making claims he had no right to make. Especially if he were drunk, and he was getting drunk already now. Jarrod's head was spinning around as he tried to make sense of what was happening and what he needed to do.

It would be difficult to resolve this with words if Boniface was drunk. It would be difficult if he wasn't drunk, but how could he resolve things peacefully if he left their meeting up to chance, or worse yet up to a drunk Boniface? Boniface hadn't been in the bar long. He wouldn't be drunk yet. If words were going to work, it would have to be now.

Jarrod hadn't brought his sidearm to town, but he kept one in his desk drawer. For a moment he considered taking it with him, but then he decided it would be best if he was unarmed. He figured Boniface was armed, but he didn't care. He didn't think Boniface would be so cowardly as to shoot an unarmed man.

Jarrod left his left his office as his secretary Angie was coming in, and looking baffled at his fast exit. "I'll be back in a few minutes," he said, and went to Harry's saloon.

There were only three men in the place besides Harry – one of them being Boniface, who stood at the bar drinking hard liquor. Jarrod had no idea if he was still on his first drink or not, if he were on his way to being drunk or actually there. For a moment Jarrod thought he might have been too late to catch him stone cold sober. There was only one way to find out.

He saw Harry behind the bar look his way and then look alarmed. Jarrod wondered how ugly his expression was right now, but he didn't care. He stepped up beside Boniface and said to Harry, "Whiskey, Harry."

Harry was startled. Jarrod had given up drinking during the day, and it was still morning. "Jarrod, are you sure?"

"No," Jarrod said. "Give me a whiskey anyway."

Boniface looked over at him. Jarrod stared at the man. Boniface did not look drunk, not yet.

Jarrod said, "You and I have to resolve things. We have to deal with what's happened to Olivia."

"You," he said. "You took Olivia away." His words didn't slur. He wasn't drunk yet.

"You deserted her," Jarrod said flatly.

Boniface turned to face him. "You didn't waste any time replacing me, though, did you? You misinterpreted again, Counselor. We only had a fight the first time and that's all that happened this time."

"You left her for nine months," Jarrod said. "You left her to fend for herself, but then that's all you've ever done – avoid responsibility for your actions. Lay the blame somewhere else."

"You're the one who killed her, took her away and she's dead," Boniface said and stepped closer.

"You don't care about that," Jarrod said. "You're free of any responsibility for her or her child. That's all you ever wanted, and you've got it. The thing for you to do now is leave town, move on, put it all behind you. Start fresh and maybe build a better life for yourself. I don't know. I don't care about that. Just build whatever you build somewhere out of Stockton, and leave now while you're still sober enough to travel."

Harry had moved down toward the end of the bar and signaled one of the other men in the place. "Go get the sheriff," he said very quietly, and the man left.

"Whatever I want is my business," Boniface said. Then he turned back to his drink and grumbled, "She was just a prostitute anyway."

That did it. Jarrod grabbed him and spun him around to face him. "She was a fine woman who deserved a lot better than you. You best get out of this place and out of this town before I teach you some respect."

"You?" Boniface laughed. "I don't know why I'm bothering. You did deserve the – "

Boniface was going to say it again. Twice was too much to stomach. Jarrod laid a fist right into Boniface's nose before he could regret that he was doing it. Boniface fell backward, hard, first against the bar and then onto the floor, his nose bleeding profusely. "Get up!" Jarrod yelled down at him, trying to get his temper under control enough to resist dragging the man up and hitting him again. "Get up and get yourself out of here!"

But Boniface was like jelly on the floor, arms flailing but failing to find any purchase anywhere. The other man still in the bar came rushing to Jarrod, holding him back. "Mr. Barkley, come on, get a grip on yourself!"

Jarrod didn't resist the man holding him back. The sheriff came rushing in with the man who had fetched him. "All right, enough!" Sheriff Madden yelled. "Who started this?"

Jarrod backed off. Harry said, "Boniface started calling Olivia Emery a prostitute. Jarrod threw the only punch."

Boniface managed to get up onto one elbow. "Piece of rotten female sh – "

"Keep it to yourself, Boniface!" the sheriff yelled. "Unless you want me to let Barkley have at you!"

Jarrod just stood there, staring down at Boniface. "He called her a prostitute," Jarrod said. "I won't take that, Fred, not from him or anybody else."

"All right, you made your point," Sheriff Madden said. "One of you guys, take Boniface over to the doc. Looks like his nose is broken."

The man who had fetched the sheriff got Boniface to his feet and took him out of the bar. Jarrod did not watch them go.

Sheriff Madden glowered at Jarrod. "You oughtta know better than to start throwing punches, but given what he said and what happened with Olivia, I'll give you a break. But you get into another fight around here and I'll lock you up! I mean it!"

"I won't hear the word out of him again, Fred," Jarrod said.

"I'm gonna go over to the doc's and have a long talk with him. If I can get him to leave town, I will, but I can't force him. You best steer clear of him for good."

Jarrod finally let a breath out, finally got his head back together, finally started thinking about what his family was going to think when they found out he had punched Boniface out not ten minutes after Nick left town. "You're right, Fred," he said. "I can do better than this. For Olivia, I can do better than this."

Jarrod turned and wandered back out, back to his office, past his secretary and back to his desk where he just sat down. He leaned his head forward and rubbed the back of his neck as he stretched it. His hand started to hurt and he flexed it. He had gotten off easy just now and he knew it. If it had come to more than one punch, Nick might be heading back into town to bail him out of jail. He was going to take some heat at home for his behavior today.

But how could he get away with letting Boniface call Olivia a prostitute? Boniface was garbage, getting her pregnant and deserting her. And why had he come back to Stockton anyway? He didn't give a damn about Olivia or the baby, unless it was some hubris about owning them that brought him back. But what did it matter now anyway? What good was stewing about Boniface going to do Jarrod? He could do better than this. For Olivia, for Amanda, he could do better than this. He had to.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

Jarrod did not avoid telling the family what had happened when he got home that evening. There was no real point – they'd hear about it once they went to town anyway. He knew it was better to explain what he'd done, why he'd done it, even if he didn't think now that he was right to go into the saloon in the first place. He wasn't sure it was wrong, but he wasn't so certain it was right. He told the family everything, even that.

"Aw, Jarrod," Nick said. "Not ten minutes I'm gone!"

"Leave off with that, Nick," Victoria said. "I don't think Jarrod was planning to get into trouble the minute you left."

"I wasn't," Jarrod said, "but you're right to be mad, Nick. You kept me on an even keel and I couldn't even keep myself there for ten minutes without you. I'm sorry."

"Is it over now?" Audra asked. "Are you through fighting with Boniface?"

"I intend to be," Jarrod said. "I don't know what he intends."

"Did the sheriff get him to leave town?" Heath asked.

"I don't know," Jarrod said. "Fred and I avoided each other for the rest of the day. I didn't want to give him the chance to change his mind and arrest me." He had poured himself some scotch and took a swig of it before he said, "I apologize to each of you. I lost my temper. I let you down."

"Do better from now on," Victoria said. "Because Fred will arrest you if it happens again. You know that."

"I know he's a man who means what he says," Jarrod said.

It was later, as they were heading for bed, that Heath held Jarrod back in the foyer to speak privately to him. Everyone else noticed but let Heath have his say while they continued on to bed. "I understand you defending Olivia with Boniface, Jarrod," Heath said. "I might have done the same thing if somebody bad mouthed someone I loved like that. But I want you to know – I feel good you calmed yourself down. You didn't go haywire this time. You didn't need Nick and me to get you under control. You did it yourself."

"With a little help from Fred Madden," Jarrod said. "But don't cheer me yet, Heath. I still have a temper to corral."

Heath shook his head. "You're not gonna lose it again. You're thinking about Olivia and her baby now, and us. Not Boniface and not yourself."

Jarrod smiled a little. "Thanks for the faith. I hope I justify it."

"Well, if you start to slip, just see that baby in your arms. You'll come back."

Now Jarrod could picture her, little Amanda who fit perfectly along his forearm. And he could picture Olivia, too – not dead, but comfortable in her bed, ready to stay there to make sure her child arrived safely. Heath was right. The pictures calmed him. Jarrod said, "Olivia struggled for months to give that little girl life, even if she knew her father was worthless. Olivia was one of the finest women I ever knew, and if it hadn't been - " Jarrod's voice closed on him, and he felt old grief wash over him. "If it hadn't been for Beth and what happened to her, I might have asked Olivia to marry me. I should have asked Olivia to marry me."

Heath wasn't quite sure what to say. He fumbled for the right words and ended up saying, "Maybe. Who can know? If it hadn't been for Beth and what happened to her, you might never have taken up with Olivia at all. But wouldn't you say your life is richer because she was in it? Can't you honestly say that to yourself?"

Jarrod quickly said, "Yes. My life is richer because Olivia was in it."

"Life happens the way it happens, Jarrod. Good and bad. Olivia's gone, but her little girl is gonna grow up in a loving family. Life evens out as time goes on. I don't need to tell you that."

"No, you don't," Jarrod said. He gave his younger brother a slap on the back. "Tomorrow is another day. We'll see what it brings."

XXXXXXX

What it brought was Fred Madden to Jarrod's office, bright and early. It was unusual for the sheriff to turn up first thing, but he said, "I have some news you ought to know about."

Jarrod had made coffee and offered the sheriff some, but he declined and sat down in front of Jarrod's desk as Jarrod sat down behind it. "What news?" Jarrod asked.

"Boniface and I had a couple long talks yesterday," the sheriff said. "I didn't arrest him after you hit him, but as soon as he was up and walking again, he went off to another saloon and got himself good and drunk."

Jarrod sighed. "What happened?"

"I had to haul him in for starting a fight. Pretty stupid to start a fight when you already have a broken nose, but Boniface did it."

"Is he in your jail now?"

Sheriff Madden nodded. "Still asleep when I left. He's gonna have a helluva hangover when he wakes up, but I'm gonna escort him out of town as soon as he's able to ride."

"You think he's gonna keep going?"

"I don't know. I don't know if he's just gonna sit and wait for you out there someplace, but obviously, you're gonna have to keep an eye out, because I can't."

Jarrod nodded, pointed up to his gunbelt hanging on the hat tree behind his desk. "I came prepared but I don't intend to use it unless I have no choice."

"Do you have that temper under control?"

"Yes," Jarrod said. "Confession time at the ranch last night did me a lot of good. Thanks for the warning, Fred. I'll keep my eyes open on the way home."

"And I'll send Boniface on his way with a stiff warning that he'll be the first man I pick up if anything happens to you over the next year and a half. Maybe that'll keep him moving on once I cut him loose."

"Thanks for not hauling me in yesterday."

Sheriff Madden got up. "Forget it. But don't get in the habit of slugging men out. Just because you're in better shape than you were when you actually were ten years younger, don't go acting like you're a hot-headed kid. Let your lost youth stay lost."

Jarrod chuckled, standing up, walking the sheriff to the door. "Maybe I ought to skip working the ranch for a while and let my body get back to being a not-so-young lawyer."

"I don't know if I'd go that far," Sheriff Madden said. "There may come a time I'll be able to use your muscle. Doc Merar sure appreciated it when he needed it."

"Well, I'll just keep up living the way I've been – minus the bar fights," Jarrod said. "I'll get older again before too long no matter what I do. See you later, Fred. Let me know when you've gotten Boniface out of town."

"Will do."

It was when Jarrod went out to get some lunch that he ran into Sheriff Madden, who immediately said, "Well, he's gone. I took him out of town myself, sent him up toward Lodi way, since that's where he came from."

Jarrod nodded. "I hope he stays gone. I'm ready for this whole business to be over."

"What's left to do?"

"I have to get Olivia's things together and sold and have her will probated in San Francisco so that family who took the baby in gets what she's left for her daughter. It probably won't be much, but it'll be something."

"I'm sorry it turned out the way it did, Jarrod. I know you still had feelings for Olivia."

The sheriff was one of the few who had known for quite some time that Jarrod and Olivia had once been lovers. Jarrod nodded. "She was a special woman. They don't come along very often. So, it's safe for me to go get a sandwich at Harry's?"

"It's safe," the sheriff said. "Just keep your eyes open when you go home."

"I will," Jarrod said.

And he did. There was no trouble along the way. Time went by, and Tim Boniface did not resurface. Jarrod probated Olivia's will and got her meager estate to the agency that handled her daughter's adoption, and whenever he was in San Francisco, Jarrod visited Olivia's grave. He had purchased her a modest stone that said, "Olivia Emery, 1845-1880, Devoted Mother, Dearest Friend." It seemed the most fitting summation of her life, the most sincere tribute he could give her. He only wished that someday Amanda – or whatever name her adopted family gave her – could see it. But that wasn't the way of adoptions. Amanda would never know this woman lying here ever existed, much less that she had been her mother who fought so hard to make sure she arrived safely into this world. A fine woman who gave everything for her in the end.

But Jarrod knew, and he kept it close to his heart for the rest of his life.

The End


End file.
